Dumb moves

Sometimes i question myself, where do I truly belong? Been making a lot of stupid moves recently and i'm kinda sick of it. It's time to be less open to everyone about some stuff I swear and keep my emotions in check -.- I have no idea when this happened, but my tolerance for people is getting really low recently. Needa keep myself in check. I'm not strong enough to throw tantrums yet, or issit because the ones who are truly strong don't really throw tantrums hmm?

I kinda regret being too harsh. But at least I learnt sth from it no?

So anyway You Ming made this, and i'm just lying on my bed blogging away on my phone :/

A Tuesday Midnight Post

So i'm in camp and insomnia hit me again.. No surprise there.

Today you've been running through my mind a lot more than usual. Idk why it's not like I know we are going to ever get back together or anything I guess it's just a lot of subconscious reminiscing on my part? It's like whatever i'm doing my brain just somehow finds a way to tap into a memory of us or something. Pretty messed up stuff..

Sometimes I wish I could rant stuff like this to people instead of blogging it out yknow? But then I think again and I realize that even if I did, it probably wouldn't help that much either and somewhere deep down I'd probably expect them to comfort me to a certain extent instead. That'd be too selfish really.

Tomorrow is the start of my first duty for my final 4ntm! I guess this means that i'm another step closer to ord? Finally my ns story is ending. This phase of life has really brought me too much grief really. Sigh I sound like some pampered boy but whatever k. Can't wait for my dental checkup at Kranji Camp on Wednesday too! I know, my life is so friggin boring that i'm looking forward to a dental checkup. :(

On the plus side, I'm slowly but steadily becoming a "stronger" person each day and that motivation is only growing as time passes, I pray that doesn't die down though. Yeah I know growing stronger is a really vague term, what I'm trying to say is that i'm constantly thirsting for knowledge nowadays yknow? Ah screw it why am I explaining myself on my blog :/

Seriously though I needa get my drivers license fast.

Oh yeah and Yiling is having a baby boy! Time really flies man..

Deadman's Cross

So like a month back or so I was introduced by Matthew to play this game called deadman's cross yknow? It's developed by "Square Enix" idk if you've heard of it but it's a pretty famous game - development company. So anyway the game takes place in one of those post-apocalyptic world where zombies have overrun the human kind and stuff. Pretty interesting but the game play does get a little stale after awhile. Below are some screen shots I took of the game. Yeah, you actually get to capture some of these monsters after and pit them against your foes'. Sounds sorta like pokemon huh.

So anyway, life's been alright I guess? Only 18 and a half week till my service ends and I am really really looking forward to finally getting on with my life. It's time to nab that car license! Anws I shall end this post with a selfie of my good friend Vivienne cos she's been sending too many of those over and I normally delete photos after I post them online or sth since they'll be "archived". Yeah I'm weird like that. Whatever k?

If viv ever finds out that I uploaded this online I am so dead. #yolo

Some people are fucked up. If hell really exists. I wish that all of you would rot there forever even when you've repented.

It's okay to be stupid and oblivious to others' feelings. But im not that tolerant. When the chance comes for me to fuck you over. You can be sure as hell I won't show you any mercy.

Can't wait to ORD and get my life back again and hopefully continue tutoring my fat kid just like the old days sigh.. Wonder what 2015 has in store for me..

A letter to a 12 year old ADP

So I have been rereading my old blog posts and writing comments on them like they're "letters from the future". But what would I truly tell my younger self if I could write a letter to myself ten years back?

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Dear Dun Ping,

You might not know me but I certainly do know you despite forgetting what you kinda were like. :/ Yes, I am you from the future.

I'm guessing you're a little nervous about your PSLE now are you not? Nah you probably aren't. I know you aren't the kind to heed advices because you're a playful little punk but if you really wanna take your own advice from someone who is essentially you, stop playing so much Neopets and treat your niece and nephews better! Show them some love! Ten years from now despite still seeing them from time to time you guys will be almost nothing but "Hi-bye family members". So treasure your time with them while you can and stop being mean okay? Although I know you've been really filial never forget to tell dad and mum you love them whenever you can okay? Dad's been having a little pain in the back lately but that's no cause of concern for you. If possible please get a higher result than you can for your PSLE, oh and Sean isn't really your friend.

Dun, secondary school is not going to be a breeze for you. It is scary to move into an almost foreign enviroment and I guarantee that you'll face challenges along the way and it kinda sucks. But I know for a fact that these challenges will help shape you into a mature young lad as time passes. You'll learn to treasure the friends around you more and you'll learn to eventually fend for yourself. There are going to be friends you make that you'll never even expect! All in all your adventure in secondary school won't be smooth-sailing at all but definately memorable! All the best lad! By the way it's perfectly natural to start growing hair on certain parts and that's normal! You're still far from becoming a man though! Even I am still working on that 10 years from now.

Little Dun, when the time comes for people to permanently leave your life don't take it too hard. After all only god has power over life and death. What you can however control is what kind of person you want to become through this short period of time on earth. Be strong and be there for people who need you. Be the strength that your community needs when you are called upon, but remember, don't you ever ever dare to get cocky when you've managed to gain respect from the people around you. Cos if you do imma come back in time just to smack that little face of yours :)

The next ten years of your life is gonna be pretty awesome in a funny way! You'll face obstacles you've never faced, make friends you'll never expect to make, feel happiness you've never imagined possible, and tragically you'll feel really sorrowful at times too. You'll learn to love, learn the meaning of regret, learn to cherish the things around you be it big or small, learn to hold your tongue when it's inappropriate, learn to decipher a person's intentions in the quickest way possible, learn how to deal with different foes and situations, learn what it's like to have an obsession and learn how that could harm you if you lose yourself. You'll immerse yourself in lots and lots of fun at a point of time only to look back one day and find out that the best times are behind you and it's time to become an adult and apply yourself.

Sigh, this letter is turning a little eh? Well don't be afraid! Most of the time it's really really fun! And time you've enjoyed wasting is not time wasted after all no? :) So no regrets on that because you've definately enjoyed yourself more than 80% of the students in your polytechnic! And yes you'll be going to a polytechnic unless you buck up now and end up in a JC :)

But at the end of the day, do remember this. You are your own man. Be strong Dun Ping, always smile and stay away from cigarettes if you can alright? I love you. So learn to love yourself as well.

-ADP from the future

Yes this is what you'll sorta look like 10 years from now don't worry you look better than what you see in this picture alright? Being photogenic just isn't one of your traits so deal with it :/ Geez my hair sucks..

I am a mercurial man

I've decided to go for the 180 degree change thing ba since staying the way I am is only going to make me worse. This has to stop.

I don't need to depend on anyone. I am the captain of my own ship. If i kept it up it wouldn't be good anyway. Time to be cool.

Went to celebrate Val the pal's birthday recently. Quite happy that we still stay in touch despite not meeting that often. 

Lines so fine it's almost blurry

My bunk smells so weird now after they've apparently repainted the place last week while I way away.. It feels kinda unfamiliar now, doesn't matter though.

In another 23 weeks I'll be an actual civilian again, time to get my life back on tracks instead of just constantly reading and watching shows. Can't wait!

Oh crikey I forgot to bring toilet paper into camp -.-

I still remember the day I enlisted like it was yesterday. Spent the entire day before without sleep because Anaqi advised me to make myself as lethargic as possible as it would be hard to sleep in on the first day on enlistment. Left home at an ungodly hour to pasir ris with Phoebe and Mum. It was on a Valentines day, and the only present I could give to my girlfriend at that point of time was my absence for the next 17 days. Pretty sad but kinda excited at the same time as my (ex)girlfriend and I had just watched "Ah Boys To Men" and I was pretty stoked to see what army had in store for me. A million questions ran through my head, what coy would i be in? Would I be able to make friends in a batch who consists of predominantly JC graduates who are two years younger than me? Do they smoke? How badly would my friends and family miss me and vice versa. It was really dreadful yet exciting at the same time. But probably more dread than excitement now that I think about it. Upon stepping foot onto tekong I was swiftly separated from my parents and friends as they were brought into this amphitheatre where parents are given the talk on what recruits will undergo during their stay in Tekong, i still remember myself lugging this luggage with really noisy wheels and everyone was looking at me and my big tummy. Ah. Memories indeed.

Maybe I'll talk more about my enlistment story the next time, my fingers are getting a little tired and my bed smells really funny it's kinda distracting.

23 more weeks. I can't wait.

I worry more than I should when it comes to you. This is bad. Am I allowed to do that?