I still remember the times where my dad or mum would bring me to the church just across my house where it was still a childcare then.
I remember the fear of letting go of my parents hands for the first time.
The uncertaintity, what horrors lie inside that church and how would I cope without my parents. God knows what my parents did to make me let go of their hands at that time to make me let go man. It probably ended with me wailing like no one's business I guess? Wow, guess it must've pained them to see their child cry like some wildebeast when they let go of those small hands to go to work.
I still remember after awhile, my parents would still send me to the childcare everyday. (Being not older than 3 years old that time, they had to.) I recall everyday was a repitition, of me crying whenever I cant see my parents. I still remember me bugging my dad to stay in the church and not leave me while I go and have my lessons.(tracing from A-Z, and god my handwriting was seriously ugly back then too.)
I remember my dad always saying "Alright I'll stay." while I would feel so relieved in my heart and run into the church to play with my friends, after awhile when I turned back, my father would always go missing. Causing me to cry like a maniac once more. Too bad I never caught him in the act before, imagine turning back and seeing your father scuttle away like some cartoon character. Funny thing is, I've never blamed him for "abandoning" me then. I guess being a child has it's good points, whatever sadness or anger you harbour will instantly be gone once you're done and you would not even remember an ounce of it. I would still hold my daddy's hand and just walk home just like nothing ever happened.
I still recall that everytime I cried till it was unbearable for me anymore at the church, this uncle would always bring me to the second floor where there were beautiful colored glass windows, hoping it would make me feel better when I look at them. The funny thing is, being colourful as they are, the windows were also perfect for rebounding sound. Which amplified my crying even louder.(I found it kind of fun back then and would cry even louder just to hear how loud my voice sounds when it comes back)
I even remember the first girl I "loved". It's funny but it was some kind of chinese mtv girl star my parents bought for me in a casette, what were they thinking man? To a young infant at that time who needed help to even pee in the toilet, much less having contact with girls back then, that girl was like the most beautiful girl on earth, with an angelic face and a voice to match.(I cant even remember how she looks like now.) I remember telling my parents that I am going to marry her when I am older, when they asked me how am I going to do it when she is older than me and she exists in a casette only. I replied by saying "I will show this casette to everyone and ask who knows her." Wow, a ridiculous plan but somehow I think I was kinda smart back then aint I?
I remember watching ultraman in front of this small tv, I loved the beeping diamond on his chest as it reminded me of myself at that time cos I had asthma as well. Cant play or run for too long or I'd suffer. Same goes for ultraman. If he fought for too long, his diamond would start beeping and that's when he would use his super-strong instant kill X-beam. My dad even bought me a ultraman encyclopedia back then! (But damn it was in chinese.)
I remember I didnt really like the girls in my class back then somehow as they looked kinda un-fun to hang out with, my image was them was really the stereotypical kind I see in the tv back then, playing with barbie dolls or smelling flowers in the grass. (Although there weren't really much flowers in Singapore.)
When I was a 3 year old, I cried when things don't go my way. (I seldom cry okay!), I forgive and forget really quick, I think of crazy plans to get the girl I like, I do the things I like whenever I want (watching ultraman), I disliked girls, I had a weak body that doesnt even allow me to eat sweets, chocolates, or ice cream.
Now? I dont cry anymore, I cant forgive and forget as quickly as I could last time, I dont do crazy stuff for the one I like anymore, I dont even know what is the favourite thing to do anymore and I find ultraman a joke, I love girls, and I am in good health although I am ruining it.
Imagine how hard my 3 year old self would cry if he saw the state I am in now.
Adp from the future here, reading this years after i typed this im actually pretty pleasantly surprised! I guess its good to keep a blog to keep track of your musings at times huh? (ADP 25/12/17)
