What does it truly mean to be alive? Is it simply just having a beating heart? I have never felt this way before. Never felt such sadness before that I'd question the exi
stence of humans and stuff like this. My brain is so fried at this point that I'm not even sure what I'm typing is making sense anymore..
stence of humans and stuff like this. My brain is so fried at this point that I'm not even sure what I'm typing is making sense anymore..
I feel hurt, it really really hurts. This kind of unprecedented pain is really tearing me apart inside, keeping me awake, forcing me to think about the things that could have been again and again and again.. Knowing the futility of the situation and that everything could very well be too late to make amends, after all. Affairs of the heart has always been sort of a "two-way" thing. I've read this in a book called "The Fault With Our Stars" recently. And inside there was a quote that goes something like "The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt." How fucking apt.
I miss you, I miss us. I miss loving and feeling loved and living each day happily with your presence. Till today it is still a miracle to me as to why such a lady like you would ever fall in love with a loser like me at that point of time. Your every action, every word, and every laugh you made the first time I saw you. Is still imprinted in my head like a tattoo. Maybe I fell in love with you right then. But I didn't know it yet. Subconsciously I have always told myself that I was never, and never will be good enough for you. But still the universe really did have a plan for us, for us to actually cross paths and become closer till one day we finally managed to call each other our own. That short period of a year and five months was sincerely the happiest days of my life. Everyday felt like a blessing from god. You were one of te greatest gifts I've ever received. And now you're gone. And every effort I'm making to win you back, to tell you that I'm a changed man and show you is falling on deaf ears. All I am now is an irritance to you. It's bewildering isn't it? How someone who once loved you so much could just let go so easily and transition you into an irritance till now. I must have been one hell of a fucked up kid to let this happen.. It must have been my fault, because I know you love for me then was true and abundant, it's not like what others told me "Maybe she just never loved you that much". No, no. That cannot be the case.
I must be thankful for the things I have. The things I still have. But I still really really want you back. What should I do? I need you. I really do.
