Worthiness

I think I like you.
When I'm with you i'm happy and scared at the same time.
Cautious, yet really careless.
Concerned, but really silent.
Patient and impatient concurrently.
Excited but calm (unwillingly).
Where do I stand? What must I do to get what I want? Would it be selfish if I told you what I was feeling when I'm unsure of so many factors? So much internal conflicts..

It doesn't make sense for me to feel the way I'm feeling now because the facts are laid out for all to see, yet there's this part of me that wishes that everything would go my way, how selfish. Is this what they call hope? Is being hopeful just another kind of selfishness?

I want to protect you. At least i'm sure of that. But am I even capable of doing that when I have a knack for destroying things when they get too close to me?

Hainan was fun, I miss Hainan. 

Memories of Ice Cream

I find myself becoming less eloquent compared to how I was before hmmm.. Like when I meet new people now I don't really see the need to make small talk and when I attempt to force topics out its just weird you know? Am I weird? :( Maybe I really am turning into an introvert..

Then again when I take a look at some of the people in camp I realize I can actually do alot worse, so I got that going for me I guess? About to go on my second guard duty shift in 10 mins time now. Worst part is Wei Ji doesn't seem to have money this month to help me purchase ciggs from outside camp. I'm a goner man I swear..

Recently watched a pretty decent fighting movie called "The Warrior" starring the same guy who played Bane in The Dark Knight Returns, not bad! Not just your everyday fighting movie where the storyline's so predictable n stuff.

That's him, the protagonist. I've ever actually played with a real slot machine before though hope I get to try it one day!

At the climax of this film the guy was pitted against his own brother in the finals, somehow seeing family fight like that i'm grateful that I had a loving, kind family you know? One of the few things that money can't buy :)

I remember once when I was a child my father got me an ice cream from a nearby parlour while we were in Bedok, i loved ice cream back then, it was probably vanilla or strawberry on a cone I think? Too bad that parlour is closed now. Anyway that day after my dad got me my ice cream, we were about to walk to the bus stop to go home. Just before I was about to take my first lick of this ice-cold treat, some guy (can't remember if he was a teen or not) bumped into my ice-cream holding hand causing it to go splat on the ground. I still remember that surge of anger and disappointment I felt back then, however, being a child I was not able to convey it nor control it and I burst into tears. How badly I wanted to go demand another ice cream from the giant that just robbed me of my treat but I was too afraid to. Sigh, if only I was braver like the power rangers I looked up too back then. It was probably an accident though but still geez..

Can't remember if my dad got me a new ice cream or not but im sure he remembers that fateful day as well! Heard him mentioning about it recently, shall ask him soon when I book out!