We were in love

And then we weren't.

I'm not bitter, I'm just sad that humans really can be so cruel at times, and there's not much to do about it.

Shoot at Sumitomo was tiring but fun today :)

2am thoughts

Browsed through Instagram today and saw familiar faces, and I think to myself about how ironic life sometimes can be, one moment a person that's feared by others can suddenly have their lives sink into chaos the next. It's so sad watching people you know fall into certain depravity but hey, I guess that's what life is about right? The future is always ever so unpredictable. I can only hope mine turns out for the better cos to be honest, life is pretty good except for certain thoughts that creep into my head from time to time.

Gonna travel to HK soon for some shoot, then Hanoi and Genting afterwards. 2019 is easily the year that I travel the most thus far. Gotta try harder to save money though.

Throwback to some cringey stuff my company people were doing while we were in New Rod Fai market wahaha

Void

I feel kinda empty inside at times, and that used to bug me a lot, it still bugs me at times now, but at least I'm learning to live with this feeling of emptiness and "boredom". I'm glad my friends are still sticking it through with me though that really makes me happy :)

I love you mum and dad, thanks for catering to my nonsense demands at times :)

Kinda asking for it

Listening to sad songs to make yourself sadder is such a stupid idea hahaha!

Heard this Ed Sheeran song on the radio today at work that reminded me of her again cos it was the song that I used to make some silly video for her. Fuck man it made me wanna scream out loud but I couldn't cos I was at work. Spent the next few hours thinking about miserable thoughts.

I can't bring myself to block her on social media, I'm not strong enough, nor do I hate her. So there's really no reason to do so, right?

No one gets through life unscathed.

Going to Thailand with this bunch in less than 10 hours. 

Maybe we'll never get better.

Every time I see a wholesome meme or picture that I used to be able to relate to, or have that special someone to share it with, it makes me want to scream out of frustration. I am so fucking angry and sad and I don't know how to deal with it because she ain't coming back and there's nowhere for me to rant but here.

Fuck why she gotta be like that. Why can't love just be love? Fuck this feeling of helplessness la.

At least I still have a loving family, that counts for something I guess. 

Kinda miserable

This past week has been pretty unbearable, my yearning for Shermane was so strong that it's starting to have this weird tight feeling in my chest whenever I think about her. I know it's pathetic, but I really really love her, and I don't know if I will ever get better, this one is different from my other exes, and to be honest, I just don't want to believe that she really chose to leave me because it was more convenient for her to use her single status for her upcoming projects. Was our love really just that cheap? I really feel discarded and it's killing me to doubt everything that we have ever been through. Are humans really able to just have a change of mind that easily? Fuck this. At least I'm getting better at keeping shit to myself at work so that's great.

Will I ever find someone that can relate to me the same way? I don't even really wanna go looking though. I am so fucked.

Which stage of grief is this?

She told me that if we had any issues in our relationshop, we should communicate. But in the end she chose to keep all her thoughts to herself, only telling me everything when it's too late.

Nigga why you do this? I really would have loved to work it out with you.

Idek what I'm uploading as a video but fuck it. Clearing stuff from phone.