Maybe we'll never get better.

Every time I see a wholesome meme or picture that I used to be able to relate to, or have that special someone to share it with, it makes me want to scream out of frustration. I am so fucking angry and sad and I don't know how to deal with it because she ain't coming back and there's nowhere for me to rant but here.

Fuck why she gotta be like that. Why can't love just be love? Fuck this feeling of helplessness la.

At least I still have a loving family, that counts for something I guess. 

Kinda miserable

This past week has been pretty unbearable, my yearning for Shermane was so strong that it's starting to have this weird tight feeling in my chest whenever I think about her. I know it's pathetic, but I really really love her, and I don't know if I will ever get better, this one is different from my other exes, and to be honest, I just don't want to believe that she really chose to leave me because it was more convenient for her to use her single status for her upcoming projects. Was our love really just that cheap? I really feel discarded and it's killing me to doubt everything that we have ever been through. Are humans really able to just have a change of mind that easily? Fuck this. At least I'm getting better at keeping shit to myself at work so that's great.

Will I ever find someone that can relate to me the same way? I don't even really wanna go looking though. I am so fucked.

Which stage of grief is this?

She told me that if we had any issues in our relationshop, we should communicate. But in the end she chose to keep all her thoughts to herself, only telling me everything when it's too late.

Nigga why you do this? I really would have loved to work it out with you.

Idek what I'm uploading as a video but fuck it. Clearing stuff from phone.