I dont feel like myself nowadays.
I am trying to hard to become the one I dislike so much.
Is all my efforts for naught? Have I really gone wrong somewhere along this journey or was I wrong all this while?
I need to know if I was already rotten inside or something made me so.
You might hold some clues. Which is why you keep me thinking..
and thinking..
and thinking.
Fuck this shit. End this confusion right now.
Since when was I so sensitive anyway?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Condemnation
Okay its another late night and I am supposed to be working tomorrow, but heck all that. I cant sleep and theres apprently nothing for me to do on the internet at this kind of time. What does ADP do at this kind of time? Post random shit on his blog, and today, I am going to attempt to post those smartass posts that most people like to do on their blogs. Y'know those things that sound so meaningful and full of meaning n shit? Yeah those kind :)
As you have probably read on the title above, today's topic is about condemnation. Now class, please dont go like "Oh condemnation? Yeah this dude condemned that dude the other day!" Now everyone, take a chill pill and think about it, aren't we all guilty of condemnation? Think harder.. think deeper.. Have you ever been jealous of that dude in your school with all the girls head over heels about him yet you still find him an asshole? Have you ever looked down on someone "weaker" than you? Well those are condemnation(s) too.
Condemnation can appear in the least expected places like I said before, now that I think about it, it does kind of come with emotions doesn't it? Feeling happy because you won the other guy at that dota match and now you go like "Haha! Go play battleon!"? Feeling grumpy because that guy just beat you at your own game and you called him a cheater or said the game is flawed? Feeling sad cos that girl you've always like is now on close terms with another guy?
Well to me, every one of those examples I've given in the above paragraph IS condemnation. You condemn the guy because he has lost to you in a game because you now feel superior. That's a normal thing, it's always awesome to feel superior I know and I have been guilty of this as well sometimes when I THINK I am superior to someone.
But think back. Just because you are better at dota (as stated in the example), better looking, smarter in studies, better in sports, has a way with the girls unlike those other "douches" out there, it doesn't exactly mean you are their "king" or something you know? Although I have to say, haven't we all been proud of something we are good at? Yes definately. But here's where the problem actually roots from. When you are good at something so well that you can absolutely tell a beginner from a pro at a glance, you will start to condemn. You will feel pissed when this guy has won you by luck because you are not supposed to lose. Well. Everyone is guilty of condemnation because we are all proud of something we are good at no?
Imagine, you play billards alot and has a fair amount of experience of it in the game. And then your friend comes along and starts playing. From his first shot you are able to tell that this clown does not even know how to hold his cue stick properly while shooting. You start to think within yourself. "Hmph, this is a joke. I am going to win this." Note that I did not say thrash him because some of us (I know I am one of them) actually have the compassion to just win by a little to let your friend score some balls before you rape his internals inside out. However, whether you got "pang zui" to them or not, the moment they somone managed to win you at "your own game". Dont you start getting frustrated and pissed? You are angry at yourself for losing to such a lousy opponent, angry at yourself for not treasuring every opportunity to aim a little longer at that billard ball. You know if you did, the outcome would have been vastly different. Well my friend, this is a common incident that should have happened to every one of you by now if you have reached the age of 17+ like me. Most people are guilty of condemnation and I am not spared as well.
Alright, so how to we stop condemnation? Well up till now I have only explained one kind of instance where condemnation has happened, and if you haven't catched it yet. I meant pride. Not the dignity kind of pride mind you, but however the kind of pride which makes you proud (arrogant). We get so prideful of ourselves sometimes we deem ourselves better than others at a certain activity. It might sometimes not even be an activity, it sould be the "solidness" of your six packs and his, your penis length. Whatever it might be. When humans start to compare, it is hard to not have condemnation in the slightest.
Condemnation however, is hard and almost impossible to stop. Disgusting as it might be for a human to look down on another, it will almost happen anywhere. Even while you are not thinking about it, it will still be in your subconciousness reminding you that you have a larger penis than your friends'. You might not be thinking about it all the time, but when you do, you'll go like "pfft, mine's supersize and yours' is like two fries." Get what I mean? Condemnation. Even in the stupidest ways.
Condemnation can go from subtle to disasterous. Like being good with dota might make you feel good and stuff but not enough to make you feel like a king but HOWEVER. Being good with the girls definately makes you feel like a king does it not? Condemnation can also go both ways if you know what i mean, remember the condemnation I said previously caused by pride? Say this dude is proud to be good with girls and he thinks this douche will never get her cos he already did. However, this douche at the same time is condemning the dude as well be thinking he is a fucker that plays with girls feelings. Not that it's false but however condemnations usually cause people to see the good in others. Like how the douche will never find the dude a nice guy and the dude will never find the douche a helpful person although they both might actually be rather good-natured in the first place.
Condemnation does not just end here however. Think about it guys. When happens when someone prideful loses at his own game? Does he stop condemning? Depends. What happens usually is that the guy will blame it on luck or the game or whatever shit he can blame on. Seldom himself. (Not me!) I know of people like that but I dont know why, I personally believe (assume), that I do not blame others for my own loss. You see what I just did there? I feel kinda superior already cos I have not done a bad thing other people might have done! Like I'm a person with a better character than some out there. Which might be true or false, but condemnation nonetheless.
Condemnation cannot be stopped nor prevented to me because as long as humans have emotions. Condemnation will be present. Its like a package deal thing you know? Like a cigarette and a lighter. Missing one of those and it'd be just plain impossible. (for a smoker)
Perhaps I am still young now, perhaps one day when I get older I might find the cure for condemnation. But I shall now dwell on this topic anymore now that this blog post has become ridiculously for anyone but me to read (I believe?). Perhaps one day when I chance upon this post when I am 50. I might have different thoughts about it already? But until then. I am still under the impression that we are all stuck under the heavy debris of condemnation that the devil dropped on us when adam ate that dang fruit in the bible.
I'm such a philosopher I love myself <3
As you have probably read on the title above, today's topic is about condemnation. Now class, please dont go like "Oh condemnation? Yeah this dude condemned that dude the other day!" Now everyone, take a chill pill and think about it, aren't we all guilty of condemnation? Think harder.. think deeper.. Have you ever been jealous of that dude in your school with all the girls head over heels about him yet you still find him an asshole? Have you ever looked down on someone "weaker" than you? Well those are condemnation(s) too.
Condemnation can appear in the least expected places like I said before, now that I think about it, it does kind of come with emotions doesn't it? Feeling happy because you won the other guy at that dota match and now you go like "Haha! Go play battleon!"? Feeling grumpy because that guy just beat you at your own game and you called him a cheater or said the game is flawed? Feeling sad cos that girl you've always like is now on close terms with another guy?
Well to me, every one of those examples I've given in the above paragraph IS condemnation. You condemn the guy because he has lost to you in a game because you now feel superior. That's a normal thing, it's always awesome to feel superior I know and I have been guilty of this as well sometimes when I THINK I am superior to someone.
But think back. Just because you are better at dota (as stated in the example), better looking, smarter in studies, better in sports, has a way with the girls unlike those other "douches" out there, it doesn't exactly mean you are their "king" or something you know? Although I have to say, haven't we all been proud of something we are good at? Yes definately. But here's where the problem actually roots from. When you are good at something so well that you can absolutely tell a beginner from a pro at a glance, you will start to condemn. You will feel pissed when this guy has won you by luck because you are not supposed to lose. Well. Everyone is guilty of condemnation because we are all proud of something we are good at no?
Imagine, you play billards alot and has a fair amount of experience of it in the game. And then your friend comes along and starts playing. From his first shot you are able to tell that this clown does not even know how to hold his cue stick properly while shooting. You start to think within yourself. "Hmph, this is a joke. I am going to win this." Note that I did not say thrash him because some of us (I know I am one of them) actually have the compassion to just win by a little to let your friend score some balls before you rape his internals inside out. However, whether you got "pang zui" to them or not, the moment they somone managed to win you at "your own game". Dont you start getting frustrated and pissed? You are angry at yourself for losing to such a lousy opponent, angry at yourself for not treasuring every opportunity to aim a little longer at that billard ball. You know if you did, the outcome would have been vastly different. Well my friend, this is a common incident that should have happened to every one of you by now if you have reached the age of 17+ like me. Most people are guilty of condemnation and I am not spared as well.
Alright, so how to we stop condemnation? Well up till now I have only explained one kind of instance where condemnation has happened, and if you haven't catched it yet. I meant pride. Not the dignity kind of pride mind you, but however the kind of pride which makes you proud (arrogant). We get so prideful of ourselves sometimes we deem ourselves better than others at a certain activity. It might sometimes not even be an activity, it sould be the "solidness" of your six packs and his, your penis length. Whatever it might be. When humans start to compare, it is hard to not have condemnation in the slightest.
Condemnation however, is hard and almost impossible to stop. Disgusting as it might be for a human to look down on another, it will almost happen anywhere. Even while you are not thinking about it, it will still be in your subconciousness reminding you that you have a larger penis than your friends'. You might not be thinking about it all the time, but when you do, you'll go like "pfft, mine's supersize and yours' is like two fries." Get what I mean? Condemnation. Even in the stupidest ways.
Condemnation can go from subtle to disasterous. Like being good with dota might make you feel good and stuff but not enough to make you feel like a king but HOWEVER. Being good with the girls definately makes you feel like a king does it not? Condemnation can also go both ways if you know what i mean, remember the condemnation I said previously caused by pride? Say this dude is proud to be good with girls and he thinks this douche will never get her cos he already did. However, this douche at the same time is condemning the dude as well be thinking he is a fucker that plays with girls feelings. Not that it's false but however condemnations usually cause people to see the good in others. Like how the douche will never find the dude a nice guy and the dude will never find the douche a helpful person although they both might actually be rather good-natured in the first place.
Condemnation does not just end here however. Think about it guys. When happens when someone prideful loses at his own game? Does he stop condemning? Depends. What happens usually is that the guy will blame it on luck or the game or whatever shit he can blame on. Seldom himself. (Not me!) I know of people like that but I dont know why, I personally believe (assume), that I do not blame others for my own loss. You see what I just did there? I feel kinda superior already cos I have not done a bad thing other people might have done! Like I'm a person with a better character than some out there. Which might be true or false, but condemnation nonetheless.
Condemnation cannot be stopped nor prevented to me because as long as humans have emotions. Condemnation will be present. Its like a package deal thing you know? Like a cigarette and a lighter. Missing one of those and it'd be just plain impossible. (for a smoker)
Perhaps I am still young now, perhaps one day when I get older I might find the cure for condemnation. But I shall now dwell on this topic anymore now that this blog post has become ridiculously for anyone but me to read (I believe?). Perhaps one day when I chance upon this post when I am 50. I might have different thoughts about it already? But until then. I am still under the impression that we are all stuck under the heavy debris of condemnation that the devil dropped on us when adam ate that dang fruit in the bible.
I'm such a philosopher I love myself <3
Monday, October 11, 2010
Day as an Otaku
Today, I woke up at 5pm due to the lack of sleep on the previous night at Zulfaliq's chalet. Wanted to drink with friends but guess not many were free so the idea was dropped and I spent the rest half of the day as something I haven't been for a very very long time. An Otaku (geek who loves japanese anime and manga?)
Finished watching one piece movie 10 and 8. Thinking back now, I've been watching/reading one piece since I was 13 or 14! I can still remember the first time it was on air on kids central I merely watched it out of coincidence. Never did I thought that I would get myself so hooked up with it even up till the age of 17 going 18.
When I look back, those days where I was an otaku, I kinda seem to have a better personality eh? Perhaps it was then I did not have much friends to hang out with and the only thing that could influence me then was mostly manga(s). Luffy had never fail to make me feel amazed since I was a child. He made the world of pirates a better place with his happy-go-lucky attitude but at the same time, having a strong sense of friendship and his own set of principles he lives by. How can such a simple guy overcome so many troubles and diffuculties? Maybe it was because he is simple and does not think much? I dont know.
Sometimes I think to myself, honestly honestly. Which would a better place to live in? The age of pirates? Or reality. The age of pirates is dangerous and the strong rules over anything else, and when I say strong I meant physically strong like those good at fighting kind of strong. Everything is simple. Much like the animal kingdom. While reality well.. is much more complicated to me, there is so many things to attend to and when you really think back. What do humans really need to survive on? Food, water and air. Even a shelter over your head is not a necessicity. So why so the humans in this society work so hard for what? Money? Who invented this term money anyway? Isn't barter trading more effective?
Okay I'm getting a little out of topic here already i'm most probably sleepy.
Till next time!
Finished watching one piece movie 10 and 8. Thinking back now, I've been watching/reading one piece since I was 13 or 14! I can still remember the first time it was on air on kids central I merely watched it out of coincidence. Never did I thought that I would get myself so hooked up with it even up till the age of 17 going 18.
When I look back, those days where I was an otaku, I kinda seem to have a better personality eh? Perhaps it was then I did not have much friends to hang out with and the only thing that could influence me then was mostly manga(s). Luffy had never fail to make me feel amazed since I was a child. He made the world of pirates a better place with his happy-go-lucky attitude but at the same time, having a strong sense of friendship and his own set of principles he lives by. How can such a simple guy overcome so many troubles and diffuculties? Maybe it was because he is simple and does not think much? I dont know.
Sometimes I think to myself, honestly honestly. Which would a better place to live in? The age of pirates? Or reality. The age of pirates is dangerous and the strong rules over anything else, and when I say strong I meant physically strong like those good at fighting kind of strong. Everything is simple. Much like the animal kingdom. While reality well.. is much more complicated to me, there is so many things to attend to and when you really think back. What do humans really need to survive on? Food, water and air. Even a shelter over your head is not a necessicity. So why so the humans in this society work so hard for what? Money? Who invented this term money anyway? Isn't barter trading more effective?
Okay I'm getting a little out of topic here already i'm most probably sleepy.
Till next time!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)