Tomorrow(Ok fine actually today but actually early in the morning), my china tenant is moving out. Hmm.. Just finished writing a card for him.. Its funny because I don't usually write cards for guys cos its gay and all but.. yeah I did it anyway.
De Cai has been living with me since secondary three, or four was it? I cant remember, all I know is he has been staying with me for a long long time now, even before my first girlfriend which was like when I was 16 was it? Could still remember asking him for advice then hahaha! Now that I think about it, he really did kinda watch me grow up huh!
From when I was short to tall, till when I was a good church boy at a point of time till I "backslided" to when I was single to attached and to single to attached again to falling in and out of love with girls to getting home drunk to having friends come and sleep on the same bed with me blah blah blah.. (I could only imagine the look on his face when he sees two guys in my bed early in the morning. -.-)
He has seen me at my worst, and at my best(I GOT A BEST MEH!?). From when I had short hair to my 1-day-mowhawk to when I went botak and when my hair grew again to when I first dyed my hair till it grew longer till I shaved a side of hair to blah blah blah.. yeah, pretty much till now.
He was the one that heard me cry late at night when I am sad and yet had the courtesy to pretend that nothing has happened in the morning to preserve my pride. He probably knew me better than anyone other than my parents did, yet pretended not to know as he was just a tenant.
And tomorrow, he is leaving.
I realised that throughout the four/five years span of living together with him, I have never ever taken a picture with him before. Even up till now, I still do not have the courage to ask him to take a photo with me hmmm.. Men's pride I guess? I dont wanna be bawling and hugging and all tomorrow when he moves out. I hope I'm asleep when he does so at least he can leave quietly without me having to face him with a straight face like he meant nothing more to me than just a tenant. There's just no way I can let him see me getting all emotional over him or whatever. It's just now how we portray ourselves to each other.
He was not just a tenant, or a working buddy. He is my family, my friend.
And I probably haven't been the best roommate to him either, being so noisy on the phone and laughing out loud late at night when he has work early in the morning tomorrow, or coming home all drunk, or asking friends to come over to my house and make a nuisance out of ourselves, watching movies on my laptop without a earpiece..
Guess what? De Cai never ever once told me I've disrupted his sleep. Not even when I asked him if I've been a bother. He would just causally say "No ah, I was in deep slumber.". Haha that would be assuring if I couldn't hear him twist and turn on his bed whenever I make too much noise. I've been too unfair to him.
As I grew older, I started talking less and less to him, and now when he's leaving I finally feel a tinge of sadness in me. What is this sia! I never thought that I'd be using this saying now but truly, you never know how important someone is until they're gone. (Or going in a few hours time, for my case.)
I realised I've never cried even on my grandmother's funeral, but while writing the farewell letter to my friend, I cried, for the first time in 2011 (Disclaimer: Not under any influence of alchohol.)
And to whoever chances upon this post, I'm not gay, if you ever thought like that through any part of this post you need a doctor. -.-
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