Penning down your thoughts

Been a while since I blogged a proper post nowadays.

Hmm.. I wonder if I've been too pampered sometimes. So much so that I don't really regard how other feel? I mean, I know that I always "don't give a shit" about how others think of me right? But then again, there's only a thin line that between "Not giving a shit about how others think of me" and "Not giving a shit about others". While one is being carefree, the other is just plain rude.

Why, sometimes I do think to myself, "Why would anyone need ME to care for them when they probably have so many others around them to do so already? Do I really make a difference?". What I'm about to type next may probably sound contradicting but yeah, its my train of thoughts. (I wonder if all these that I'm typing is even going to make sense to me the next time I come over and read it again hmm..)

Sometimes I think perhaps it's just me being selfish afterall, perhaps people DO give a shit about me giving a shit for them (#rhyme). Which is why I tend to go to the crowd with the least people at times, partly because I hate big crowds, and partly because sometimes my gut feeling tells me to just go there as the people there need me more. Somehow it just sounds like I'm starting to give a shit here again eh?

Damn I sound so fucking contracdicting la, am I two-faced? Do I have split personality? Or perhaps I'm just fickle-minded?

Then again, I think I don't really understand myself well at times also hmm.. Do I give a shit about others feel or not? If so, why do I seem to piss people off sometimes when I do stuff when I dont mean to? Oh wait I know, perhaps I'm just plain dumb ba, to actually be immersing myself in to much fun that I forgot how the other person is feeling, now that I think about it, the only few times I piss people off is when I am having too much doing something to them that probably dosen't appeal to them yeah?

Ok fine, on a different note, I've been feeling a little grouchy/angsty/cranky nowadays for no apparent reason, well maybe there is but I cant seem to work out one that really gives me the right to act this way anyway. I think I really do get appeased really easily though, like a simple gesture would just make me forget all about it (for awhile), or perhaps just filling up my tummy? Maybe its because I have been spending more than I can earn nowadays, on stuff that I should spend on but not spam on. Bad pun, but I mean it, like spamming food, drinks, and c**gs, and a little on travelling nowadays.

I wish I had more money, who dosen't right?

The reason I'm blogging today, now that I think about it, is because I was supposed to be talking to someone on the phone but I believe I somehow pissed her off/turned her off/(Something Negative). So yeah, fml, see what I mean by not giving a thought about others? I really wanna apologise but however if I did I would definately love to say the reason why I did so, and when I do, I can already forsee myself saying a load of things that would DEFINATELY not be pleasing to her ears and therefore, pissing her off/turning her EVEN more off/(Something Negative x2) once more.

So.. yeah, I think the issue lies within me somewhere though, perhaps I am not the gentleman or friend everyone is looking for, I mean, I would love to be, but if everyone could be who they loved to be, there would be no one outstanding anymore other than the person with the best imagination around is there?

I'm babbling like I always do. I wish I could babble to you instead of using my fingers to type on this stupid keyboard arghhhzxc.

As much as I know it's wrong for me to do so, I wanna lose my sleep for you. :(

Why cant a there be more hours in the day?

But then if there was, I'm sure people would still be complaining and asking for EVEN more hours in a day so.. yeah.

Babbles.