No chill

I can't seem to take things easy as well as I could in the past. What the fuck is happening to me I don't like this new me. But maybe this isn't that bad at all? Maybe I've been too easy going to the point of sloppiness in the past so this just my instincts trying to make up for all the lost time? Idk what I'm babbling about la hahaha!!

I don't know how to go back to who I used to be. Fuck.

I need to exercise man :(

Everyday

Everyday, we walk past thousands of people, each with the potential to become your friend, your foe, or even your lover. Each with their own stories to tell, their own hardships to undergo, and their own accomplishments. The world is amazingly huge isn't it? Yet for some reason, at least in the Singaporean culture, we just walk past everyone each day without even making the effort to converse or build bonds with them.

I remember one time on a Sunday evening when I was on my way to book in to Sungei Gedong, i was happily sitting and playing my phone, not having a care in the world when I suddenly got the feeling that the kid beside me was watching the contents on my phone, which was probably just "Cookie Run" or something? I'm ashamed to say that the first emotion I felt was irritance, that my privacy has somehow been invaded although ironically,  i was in public. I turned around with a fairly annoyed look on my face, and there it was, a teen around 13-15 engrossly staring at the little gingerbread man running in my Samsung note 3. I kept looking at him, hoping he will notice that he's being watched and would eventually turn away due to awkwardness when he finally looked at me and said "Hey, what game is this?" in a rather curious, amicable tone. Something I've never expected from a stranger especially from someone who is "rudely invading your privacy". In that moment, all my annoyance vanished into thin air as I was approached with affability. It was then I realized that I had unknowingly became a grouche due to social standards of "Minding your own business when you're on public transport". Feeling ashamed, i responded and started having a conversation with this pleasant boy. I think I did a pretty good job hiding my shame though! We had a good conversation about our plans for the future and eventually parted ways when he reached his station.

As it turns out, this boy was from a school that was catered to kids with learning disabilities. Which kinda came to me as no surprise because no "normal singaporean" in this day and age would engage in a conversation like that with a stranger in a public transport, not unless you're an elderly who is asking for directions and just happen to drift into another conversation or something. (I've had a few encounters with them before, contrary to what many of our parents taught us, I actually enjoy talking to strangers from time to time.)

That kid had something that a lot of us has lost. The purity of the heart to just approach another human being without the fear of being reproached. Sad right? Our generation has became so pathetic that it takes a kid from a special school to create bonds with others while the "normal" ones like us gotta just stick to being stuck in our own little virtual world through a device no larger than a brick. This kid has balls man!

Perhaps one day our social norms might change again, perhaps into one more positive in the sense that using your phone on public transport would be considered rude instead as you're shut off from the world and people would start knowing each other more through actual conversations. Wouldnt that be awesome? :D

Oh yeah, happy valentines day! :)

Busy

Been really busy for the past few weeks, working, studying, catching up with old friends.. Oh and I'm meeting Zul tomorrow after like years? It's at "OutBar" which is a gay bar I think but that's alright! Never really been to one so I guess it's an experience?

I've been thinking a lot about the nature of human beings, Glenn told me today that a life without religion is a life not worth living, well I guess I kinda get where he's coming from. And sometimes I find myself being a christain by name only; like yknow, i'm having doubts about the existence of christ all the time. Even till today. But im sure there is a god somewhere, someone looking out for be if not I'd be dead a million times before I can even hit 23 given the way I act and behave.

In a part of the bible it was stated that we are all born sinners, which was really interesting and hard to swallow for some but it got me thinking, the bible might not be that far off from the truth huh!

How many of us have lied without even anyone teaching us just because it was the convenient thing to do? How many of us has killed an insect just because it was an eyesore? And how many of us has done bad things while others aren't looking or even bear false witness against your neighbours? (I never hor.) All these things weren't taught by someone else in my opinion. So doesn't that mean that it's nature rather than nurture? All humans are selfish deep down. If so, how do I explain love? Do we love someone else because of the things they bring to the table? Like how a kid loves his mum for providing him with food/shelter/love while the mum loves him because he is essentially a "part of her"? Procreation is after all human's way of trying to cheat death is it not? To create new life before your own ends and educate it to be someone like you or better?  Is selfishness sinful? Even I dare not confidently answer that with a yes.

Ah, insomnia thoughts again. I got more important stuff to work on than to ponder bout things I can't solve man. Let's wore on becoming better in every aspect this 2015! :)

Get well soon mat, don't die on me.