Cowardly thoughts

Everyday, for the past few days I keep reminding myself that "this too shall pass." "I need to overcome this in order to take care of the ones I love." "I am stronger than this."

It's interesting really. How half a semester managed to shatter all the confidence I've garnered so far the moment i set foot into RMIT. Have I lost my steel? Am I too drawn to distractions that I have forgotten what it was like to be under stress?

It is a few hours away from my first test this semester. It's only 15% of one of my modules but somehow I feel inclined to perform well for this one but whenever I start reading my notes, my mind just drifts off to someplace else. Somewhere more comforting, somewhere where I can continue hiding in my little bubble of thoughts. Game of thrones, pokemon go, overwatch.. Cowardly, distraction thoughts and activities appear at every corner when the going gets tough huh.

I have to bear through this. And not only do I have to do it I have to do well. Because there's no room for failure this time, not when I'm on my final lap before I graduate from here.

I can't believe the "phonecall sleep therapy" didn't help me this time around. Someone please save me from my insomnia.  

My shoulder is popping again.

Was about to fall asleep after a night of studying when I suddenly felt a light "pop" on my left shoulder when I moved it. This seemingly random action brought me back to a certain time when I truly enjoyed my days in school. Granted, i wasn't enjoying the parts about studying. But I had a great time with the friends I made back then.

I remember how a bunch of us would stay back in school till it got dark to play block catching. We would find nice hiding spots to avoid being detected by the "catchers" instead of running from them most of the time though. The best spots were the ones where you could have a good view of your surroundings without them actually spotting you; when you find a spot like that, you'd normally witness some funny events like your friend running for his dear life while a horde of catchers chase after him as if he was carrying a billion dollars.

I remember how I was so fond of climbing back then. And that was also how I "sprained" my shoulder. Not from falling from a great height, but by holding on to some railings wrongly while I was trying to vault up a staircase.

Ah, I really miss those days where my biggest worries in school were about when I was gonna get caught by catchers instead of project deadlines and tests. On hindsight, I believe that I've never really had to work hard for anything up till now. But this semester is different, it's definitely the hardest semester I ever have to go through, and yet somehow my head still isn't fully in the game. Time to put in a little more effort I guess. Then I can rest all I want after that :)

I have a good life, with more resources than some of my peers. But ultimately my lazy attitude is going to be the death of me.

Why do all the rare pokemon seem to evade me so well?

Okay so it's been a week since pokemon go is released in Singapore and I'm embarrassed to say that I've been putting more effort into that than my projects for the last leg of my semester. Shame on me.

On the bright side, I'm a little more spurred to complete my projects now due to the deadlines coming in closer and closer. Which is a terrible shame really because I rly want to catch Pokemon with my friends and play overwatch all day long.

Life's good when you don't have responsibilities huh. Buck up Dun Ping.

Yeah so my mum asked me to pose with her for this Merrion thing down at bedok mall. A little embarrassing but hey, whatever mum says right? :)

Why insomnia now? :(

Tonight I'm laying next to you and listening to your breaths. It's kinda serene really, camp must have taken a lot out of you huh..

I wish I could fall asleep too but I'm just not sleepy enough :(

This is what happens when you don't sleep for the entire night and have school early in the morning the next day.

Old dog

In a few hours from now there's a high chance that I might finally be retiring my Samsung Note 3 and get a phone that's actually fit for usage. I feel a little sad though, my Note 3 has served me well for the better half of my national service, which I consider the worst period of my life.

Without Note 3, I would never have been able to watch videos that weren't in mp4 format in camp, or squint to look at my screen. Life would've been worse. It sounds funny but this phone really did improve my quality of life! Even just for a little bit.

I remember when I first received my note 3, I have never owned a phone so large before, it almost felt kinda dangerous if I put it in my pocket as it could fall out anytime. And transitioning from an apple product to an android wasn't easy as some functions were vastly different. Thank god it was easy to get a hang of it. I was super proud to have that phone back then, the images seemed clearer, the functionalities were less restricted compared to an iPhone, and the best part is the battery life was super long, which is almost I have never experienced before prior to using the Note 3.

About three years have passed now, my phone has weathered through many events with me, from broken screens to charging ports (which I replaced like twice so far?), I never gave up on it, solely because I was too used to having it around and that it truly was a comfortable journey despite a few minor hiccups like my GPS not being able to detect my location in the midst of my phone's lifespan. I've watched countless movies and TV series on this phone, and it has accompanied me on countless trips to various parts of Asia, and as I'm typing this it really feels harder and harder to say goodbye. It's weird being sentimental to a phone I know.

I can feel my note 3 dying, the GPS can't even detect my location anymore, my phone hangs for a little while whenever I type too fast, and apps close themselves when overused. The charging port has been recently fixed and yet as I'm blogging this, my phone is slowly dropping from 8% to 5% despite it being charged for about 30 minutes now. The problems seem harder and harder to ignore. It really is time to say goodbye to this old dog.

I can only hope my new phone can bring me half the joy that you have bought me, and if phones have a soul, I hope I'll see you in heaven someday. Where all old phones can reunite with their masters and spend the remaining of eternity browsing 9gag and social media and watch films day in day out. But for now, it truly is farewell.

Au revior my faithful companion, I shall lay you down to charge for one last time now until I head down to the singtel shop tomorrow. You have been loyal and forgiving to me, and it's time for you to rest.

On a side note, the girlfriend is pretty mad that I went ahead and had a tattoo done without her being around. I can only hope she forgives me soon and understand that I am going through a time of grief right now for my Note 3.