Monday, June 22, 2015

Depend on your own fucking self.

I can't imagine dying, it's too fucking scary be it cremation or burial.

Maybe when I die I'll make a special order for the coffin to have wifi and be able to be opened from the inside just in case.

Watching "House of Cards" season 3 now. Can't seem to immerse myself in a long-duration show compared to last time.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Death row

Woke up from a crazy nightmare today. Dreamt that I was a death row inmate about to be killed. Fucking scary stuff.

I gotta start treasuring everything more man. Sure I'm not on deaths row but that doesn't mean that I should take everything for granted yeah?

Ok that's all for now cya! :)

School's School's starting soon and I can't wait to see all of them again man :)

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Ex Machina (some spoilers)

Okay so I've just watched Ex Machina with Matthew, Yingchuan and ZJ (althought they left earlier), and whoa.. I have to say this is one of the best movies I've watched thus far in 2015! (Considering the fact that the movies that I had high hopes for turned out to be really really disappointing.)

It's rare to have my expectations exceeded when it comes to films given that I have been conditioned by countless films before which just rides on cliches after cliches with twists that you can see from a mile away. This film does well to avoid plot twists, and instead capitalizes on the fact that film audience in 2015 are well-attuned to such a pattern, therefore choosing to appeal to them in a different manner; Making them question if the film is indeed going to end in such a twist, or is there something truly unexpected as the show goes on.

To me, a good film is one that can engage and excite the audience in the sense that they'd be excited to find out what happens next, fulfilling that curiosity, yet leaving more questions even when the show finally ends. This show ends in a manner in that it leaves no loose ends, but you as an audience would still have so many questions unanswered. For me it was more slanted towards the fact if "Ava" was indeed capable of feeling love, and did she truly love the protagonist in any point of the show? If she wasn't, does it make her any less of a human in the sense that after all, are we humans not guilty of manipulating others to acheive our means as well?

Props to Alicia Vikander though, I find myself truly intrigued by this Ava character. The fact that she was able to smile with such depicted happiness after being free from her cage without malice, and yet appear to show no signs of remorse having killed her creator moments ago really makes me wonder: "Is this a robot version of a sociopath? Or was it because Ava has justified her murder as a necessity and therefore was already prepared to mete out her actions, therefore feeling no guilt nor remorse for the creator that has kept her in captivity?" "Did Ava choose to not kill Caleb because it would not bring about any benefits to her? Was she really that pragmatic? Or is there something more?"

Then I begin to ponder, "Does morals truly represent what it means to be a human?", "Are morality and pragmatism on two different extremes?"

We live in a society where success/accomplishments is deemed to represent happiness, and yet pragmatism seems to be a trait that successful people seem to always have. Can one be happy without morals? Can someone choose to be pragmatic yet moral? What happens when people are torn between both choices? What really defines a human? Is it not the capacity to feel happiness?

Or am I going about this wrongly? Because after all, morals might not necessarily equate to emotions. And yet, conscience does affect a person's emotions, and therefore does that not mean that if you have something weighing on your conscience, you can never be truly happy?

So perhaps, only when someone lives a hedonistic lifestyle devoid of morals can they be truly happy/joyous. But that doesn't sit right with me as well.

Something is missing, and it's stopping me from reaching a proper conclusion and I dont know that the fuck it is. Sighh.. This is always what happens to be train of thought after I watch a good show.

Whatever.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Reflection.

Sometimes I lie on my bed and I start to reflect on the mean things i've done to others when I was younger. Ohh such foolishness..

Imagine if I was more tolerant and kinder to others, I'd be such an awesome guy by now. Guess I can only remind myself to not repeat my stupid antics again now that I'm older huh.

Forgiveness is hard to come by man. I need to learn to have a bigger heart. After all even till today I can't seem to be able to draw a line between forgiving and forgetting. Aren't those two kinda interlinked? Like would you be able to trust someone again after they've fucked you over? If not, does it really count as forgiveness? Ah fuck it i'm not wise enough to answer that yet perhaps one day when I'm older I'll come back here and update this post with what I've learnt.

But on a side note I am deeply sickened by human beings. This survey that I have conducted till now has really showed me how fucked up some people are on the inside. When they need you they'll come to you with smiles and shit but when they don't they won't even give two fucking hoots about you. Even when you make an effort to try and reconnect most of the time they'll just ignore you because they don't have a "need" for you right now. Pretty fucking sickening right? At the end of the day. It really is imperative that we depend on ourselves. Values like friendship and the like mean little to many of us and it's making people like me who actually give a shit to start losing hope as well. Terrible right? How as we grow older we get influenced by all these disgusting behaviors around us and the most direct way to counter that is to join in and be a social parasite as well? Maybe that's why the bible says that we are all sinners but then again I might just be bitching cos I'm really fucking sick of this nonsense right now. I've never really wanted to admit it to myself but I guess I have to. It's time to really cut people loose. Just like how we are pretty much useless to each other, we might as well not stay close yknow?

Blogging is pretty cool huh! Back in those days people prolly needed a pen and a paper to even jot down their thoughts but now it's just a few presses on your magical device and viola! You've just made a journal entry! What a wonderful and scary time we are living in indeed.

Now that I think about it I haven't had BK in awhile. mm tendergrill~

Thursday, March 26, 2015

I might never become someone great, or someone who's well-acclaimed by the world. But that doesn't really matter.

If I could just make the people around me happier or better off, that would be good enough for me. My own little piece of paradise hahaha.


School in 7 hours time and i'm left with 5 hours to sleep. Fml.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Random 4am rant

So its almost 4am now and i'm wide awake. Even watching youtube isn't really helping.. Fuck if this keeps up i'm going to fall asleep in class tomorrow again. Worst part is that tomorrow both lectures seem to be quite important cos the lecturers might touch on the upcoming online test or the online acct assignment.. Funny how I always get insomnia the day before my lessons. Pls god don't make me fall asleep in class :( Can't seem to be able to study properly for the past few days either. Hopefully that'll get better once classes start tomorrow or something :/

Shall go play some dota now. I actually remember falling asleep for like 10 mins before waking up to turn off my phones video cos it was too noisy. But after I turned it off I can't seem to fall back asleep #fuckedup 

I really can't wait to graduate and start "adult life" being a student is pretty slack and all but I really wanna start earning me own keep soon :( Haven't even started applying for my drivers licence yet too..
Haven't seen yongjie in ages wonder how he's doing

Friday, February 27, 2015

No chill

I can't seem to take things easy as well as I could in the past. What the fuck is happening to me I don't like this new me. But maybe this isn't that bad at all? Maybe I've been too easy going to the point of sloppiness in the past so this just my instincts trying to make up for all the lost time? Idk what I'm babbling about la hahaha!!

I don't know how to go back to who I used to be. Fuck.

I need to exercise man :(