Judgemental Skills

The pic above had totally nothing to do with what i'm going to post today, its just that cos its just mighty awesome and I realised my blog lacks alot of pics anws ahh.. =))

What can you believe when the things you see and feel are like on and off, sometimes you feel this way, while at the next moment, you start to have doubts, things your friends tell you might be one thing, but then again you're not sure if they know the situation as well as you ah.

In short, uncertainty. Been like this for awhile now.. I am seriously confused mannn~ I NEED A PROFESSIONAL'S HELP ARGH!!!!

Adp from the future here, 6/9/17 to be exact. Uncertainty stjll exists even ar the age of 25, but its probably a little different since i don't rly remember having anything important to think about when i was young hahah!

Forever is over

Was just looking back at the messages on my old phone and saw those old messages that she sent to me.. Telling me that I deserve her love and how afraid she was to lose my love.. Looking back now, Im sure you have definately regretted this process.. I realised the one thing that I've always been trying to tell myself I am not.

I'm a rotten bastard.

ADP from the future here! (The pic isn't me tho that's shermane! :D). Anyway yeah as you grow older you realize that sometimes you end up becoming the things that you hate, that you be that hero in every scenario. I guess that's normal isn't it? After all, we are all born sinners and it's natural to have flaws. This blog post was made probably after I broke up with my first girlfriend Sofia. I'm such an asshole back then but I guess feelings can't be forced? Her parents were indeed right, I was too young to take up such a responsibility and now I have to carry the burden of breaking some young girls heart back when I was 17. Hopefully i won't ever make that mistake again and my children will also be better than that! :) (ADP 19/5/16)

Lame.

I am afraid of the day you give your heart, soul, and body to another guy which you would love so much.. AHHHH!!!!!

Hahaha omg I'm such a retarded kid last time! Of course it's normal for a person who is in love to give all this to their other half, I'm such a fucking child man. Sigh, although this is a legit concern there's nothing much anyone can do about it yea? Looking at all these old blog posts sometimes just makes me wna facepalm myself hahah (ADP 19/5/16)

Changing body clock failed.

So in love with the "Man who cant be moved" song, so easy to relate to sia! Though I didnt exactly meet her at a corner though. I'm not moving~~ I'm not moving~~~~~

I have always believed in karma(Did i spell this correctly?), and now i believe in it even more.. Karma karma.. Things you do, good or bad, always comes back to you huh. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, its almost impossible to avoid the outcome. I will continue working hard. Move at my pace, but however, my heart just keeps rushing me, I dont wanna turn into some scary, irritating motherfucker, thats the last thing I'd want to become in your impression. Really.

Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my head, saying, if you see this girl, will you tell her where I am?

I've realised something, nowadays whenever I blog about something, its mostly due to the fact that I cant fall asleep. Which sucks cos I wish I could be like some people, or maybe, like how I used to be, fall asleep as and when I want to. Now its just plain hard. Its Karma I tell ya, Karma.

I see people around me experiencing similar pain as well as me, some for lost love, some for love which cannot be obtained, and some for those really really complicated cases. Nonetheless, pain is pain. I wouldnt say I'm experiencing pain ah, But its just this really shag feeling you have inside of you, wanting to push forward but dont know how and not willing to back out now. Stuck in the middle, like how when you eat a super spicy mega mcspicy and couldnt take the heat halfway and ran out of water, not knowing wanting to throw it away cos it'd be a waste. If only it could be as simple as just forcing yourself to finish that MegaMcSpicy..

I'm amazed at myself for once, I have always been the kind who gets going when the going gets tough. But not this time, perhaps this is because this is more important that anything I've came by so far? If only it was like a sport where you can improve and "level up" if you just put in enough efforts. This isn't. This is about two person. Which sucks.

Ranting ranting ranting is all I could do. To people when they're available and to this little online diary when everyone's asleep. Just randomly wondering, if another "me" was ranting to me about this kind of shit everyday, I would probably be ignoring him and start changing topics. I wish I had a chance to show you just how much I would treasure you really. Its impossible for you though. And I guess that just cant be forced sometimes cos I know how it feels to not be able to "reciprocate" a person's feelings, no matter how much they did for you.

Whoever(Most probably nobody) is reading this, mark my words, if one day you find someone who loves you just as much as you love him/her, never ever let em go. Cos you really dont know how hard it just is to find two person who are on the same "frequency" as each other. Harder than finding a needle in a haystack I tell ya. *whistles at my own command of english*

I-cant-get-the-fuck-over-you.

I'm happy you're not going to Cambodia though, cos it really sounds lik a dangerous and tedious place to be, singapore's good okay! Boring at times but ah la, you made the right choice bimbo! =D

Time check: Close to 3am. Oh, look how much I've failed in "sleeping early", well, its morning how anyway, so I guess sleeping now might just count as "sleeping early"?

Have Global Citizenship on tomorrow. Looking forward to crapping lots lots with those people, I hope I manage to tire myself out tomorrow! So i can finally have a good night's rest. :) God I need some liqour to make myself fall asleep man seriously.

Are you sleeping soundly now? Good. :)

Shall I get you a really really big soft toy from Hainan? You already have so many but none from me. :( Would make-up do? Wow, I'm so gonna drink my life away when I'm at Hainan so that I wont have the temptation to go crazy and call you from overseas mann~

BE MINE!!!! I'm going crazyyyy!!! Help help help!!!

Note to self: Buy sensodyne for her so that she can eat ice cream with me! :D

Adp from the future here! It's 2016 now and my main reason for blogging it still mostly due to insomnia. I actually can't remember who I was referring to in this blog post which probably meant that this isn't as important as it sounds? Hahaha. Global Citizenship was really fun though! Had an awesome time at Hainan, till today I still sometimes look back and think of the simpler days back in poly/Hainan. 

Laptop's burning my tummy.

3 days straight in a row serial dramas.. Hais.. Nwadays you are getting smarter and smarter le ah, you know that acting angry instead of running away would be more effective in asking me to stop poking you le Huhh.. Smart girl. :)

Omg I'm quite sure this post was referring to shi Li back in those poly days where I would disturb her! She's really patient though! That's her on my right! Still rmb that day everyone was dressed so glamly except for me who jogged all the way over to the karaoke haha, still a fun day though! (ADP, 19/5/2016)

Bored outta mah skull

Somehow Mr.Brightside seems to remind me of Joesph, perhaps it was cos he introduced me to this song in the first place? Nice song though

I just cant look, its killing mee~ And taking controll~

Later going off to meet Yiling at Nicol's house, that bastard's still working now sia, gotta wait till at least 5.30 when he ends work, and god knows what time till he reaches home. AHHH IM FRICKIN BORED!!! Wonder if I'll be really able to quit this time round.. hmm..

Ok ShiLi's online, time for taiti!

Adp from the future here! Oh man taiti online with friends was super fun last time la! Such a good way to kill time and play simple games with your friends at the same time! Doubt anyone my age still plays that anymore though.. I'm glad I'm still close to Yiling, Nicol, and ShiLi even at this age! Good friends are hard to come by man and they're awesome! :D (ADP, 19/5/2015)