Helpless

Ever felt so nauseously helpless about a situation where you know that whatever you do will only worsen it? It makes you question the choices you've made that lead up to this very moment, how everything was so obvious yet you chose to press on just because of your arrogance thinking that things will work out just because you've done your due diligence?

A few weeks ago I tweeted "I'm the one that decides what's worthy to me or not, and at the end of the day if it turns out to be my fault, so be it." I guess I was right huh. This is my cross to bear. I've told myself time and again to improve myself so that when someone comes along, I'll be good enough for her. But it isn't just that simple now is it. The chemistry between two people isn't something that can be so simply explained by saying who is the right fit for you and who isn't. It isn't an equation where you get a specific result based on the effort you've put in; or maybe it is, I'm just that bad at math then.

I am someone that does not deserve anything more than I currently have, to wish for anything more is not only stupid, but immensely greedy and arrogant. Perhaps the key to happiness at the end of the day is truly being content after all.

I wish I got to know you better. It's fine. I wish you both happiness :)