Difficult

Because my life has been so smooth sailing, a problem like an impending breakup is difficult for me.

Me and Shermane are currently on a break, and it seems like she is having a really hard time on her own and it's stressing her out, she probably doesn't want to rant to me but maybe that unfamiliarity of not having me around is making it worse.

I've always doubted that she has depression and was pretty mad at the neighborhood doctor when he prescribed her pills. But now I am so afraid. I don't know what I can do to help her out in this period cos it seems like it's just going to add pressure no matter what I say or do. Tomorrow is Shermane's birthday and I don't think I should do anything, it's probably what she would have wanted. I love her more than anyone else apart from my parents, and I hate this feeling of helplessness where I have to be patient, and wish that she can get better on her own.

It's hard to sort your head out in a week, but I pray that a miracle will happen. :)

Why can't we humans be simple like cats? 

It's so hard

I dreamt of her again today, I hugged her from behind at an MRT and she looked beautiful as ever, she was really happy to see me and we had a conversation and we got interrupted by foreigners. I knew I was in a dream, and that I was going to wake up late for work, but I chose to stay asleep awhile longer, conversing to foreigners on and MRT next to her IN A DREAM.

Not talking to her is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever have to do, but I gotta do it because I think that's what Shermane would have wanted as well. I love her very much and J want her to be happy.

Sang karaoke till 1 plus with my mates yesterday because I was so afraid to be lonely.

I want to save my girlfriend

I have fallen in love with a woman that has been emotionally abused from a young age, and there is a high chance that she might never ever get "better". This hurt has shaped her into who she is now, a driven, passionate, talented, and pleasant girl who brings joy to the people around her and always strives to push me in the correct direction. When I am with her, I am truly happy and contented.

But deep down, there is a darkness within her, a yearning for love from her mother that I can never hope to fulfil as much as I try. I have been blessed with a wholesome family since the day I was born, and I am unable to fathom what kind of trauma that must have been, living with a "monster" that thrives on your weaknesses and seeks to exploit you every time you go to her for solace. I am so afraid that one day, this darkness might drive her away from me, and I would only be able to idly watch as the situation unfolds.

There is very little I can do for this woman that I love. l want to save her, I want to make her as happy as I am when I am with her, I want to have a family sometime with her and hopefully, all these will eventually bear fruit. I want to help her let go of what has plagued her for the longest time, and allow her to be truly, truly happy.

But I really don't know if I can. I don't know if she will even let me. And this makes me feel like a big loser.

Had sore eyes since last Saturday. Hope I won't spread it to Shermane when she pops by later :(