Loss

They say nothing can steal the love you're born to find.

I really don't know if that is true anymore. I thought I found the woman I love and it's hard to shake this feeling of loss away. I have my heart to this special lady I loved, and I don't regret it a single bit.

But it really fucking hurts, it hurts to realize that you're just not good enough, I hate my own flaws, I hate my laziness, but despite all this I truly truly loved Shermane. I tried to give her the best I could afford to give, and we have grown so much together and I will always be grateful for that.

But now we have somehow grown apart and it is tearing me apart every single day, some days it gets really bad I have to let it out here on this blog because this is where I feel where I can be as emotional and irrational as I can be without judgement or interruption, at least until someone reads this and thinks less of me. But fuck it.

I am afraid that I will never be as happy as I used to be anymore, and that I'll just become another face in the crowd in this cold, unyielding world where we pretend and pretend every single day until we die.

I don't know how to be happy anymore, at least not the same kind of happy that I'm used to, and somehow there's a nagging feeling that everything is only going to get worse years from now.

Guess life really fucks us all huh?