As I'm taking this long bus ride home, thousand of thoughts run through my mind. They aren't good thoughts. They remind me of the things I have lost, things that I could've avoided had I been a little smarter, a little less impatient, and a little more competent. And amongst all those bad thoughts, you were outshining every one of them.
I chanced upon your page today. And I saw that you were happy. I am happy for you, although a part of me inside ached. It was the same smile you gave me, the same warmth I felt back then. I'm really envious of him. I can picture you giving him the same look you used to give me, the same voice you would use when you want to snuggle up to me, the same smile that appears ever so randomly when I say or do something silly, the way you laugh when I do something even sillier, how your small hands would grip mine whenever you're nervous, or excited, or how you hugged me every so tightly as if you wanted to squeeze all the air out of my lungs, and all the things you've confided in me about, thinking that i'm your one place of solace. I recall the random thoughts we've shared, the past we shared with each other with so much detail, and the plans we made for the future.
And then I start to wonder, what did I ever do to even deserve a woman like you. And the answer was obvious. I didn't. I wish I could have given you so much more, and even now, I'm not even sure if I'm able to treat the next girl that comes along as right as you treated me. But that is okay. Because at least we have both learnt a lot from each other and I know I've become a better person for it.
And no, I do not want you back. I guess it's just that sometimes I tend to reminisce on my regrets, and till now, it's only you.
Come on sad music, this wasn't how I wanted to end my Sunday.
It's always when you're alone when your demons come out to face you. I guess imagination really is a double-edged sword.
I kinda miss school.
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