Less than 3 hours to macro

Woke up an hour before I'm supposed to, I really hope I'm ready for this man! Haven't been working as hard compared to last year. Ah well I'm sure I'll somehow survive :)

Sighh it's actually gonna get pretty boring if I don't get a job during the hols. Maybe Shu Xiang will be able to find something soon I hope :(

I can do this! Macro I'm coming for you

Really hope liangyi can wake up earlier so we can go sch tgt :)

Insomniac's ramblings

I remember skipping school really often in back in secondary one and two because I didn't really like my class; and would stay at home and just play computer games till my mum comes home and we would eat together.

There was this one time though, where I remember being so bored at home I actually made a trip back to my primary school to visit my old form teacher out of sheer nostalgia. Maybe it's because of the cultural change I experienced from going into another school, but I wanted to speak to her as it was a happier moment of my life then.

Looking back I realize that as you progress to the next phase of life and look back, life will always seem easier, more carefree, more appealing. It's not that things got harder, no. It's because change is always hard.

No one likes to step out of their comfort zone just to acclimatise themselves to a new enviroment. But sometimes its necessary. You might not do well in it, you might not enjoy it, but it is necessary. Not just for progress, but sometimes perhaps just for the sake of retaining for you have. Which is why you have to improve yourself, slowly but surely. Hard as it may be.

Although my plans for the future aren't concrete, I am happy to at least have one more year to figure things out before I graduate (hopefully). Till then, I really need to start to buck up and fulfil my duties as a son and a student. There's really not much time left for fun is there? :(

It's sad how I can't remember much of my experience in pri school though, maybe I really am getting old :(

Lousy memory

I realize that as I get older, my memory is actually getting worse everyday.

I forget that almost everyone out there is out for themselves, and that sometimes just because you hold them to a certain level of regard, they might not have the same for you. Sometimes you just get so bloody comfortable that you forget that there are actually boundaries that should not be crossed.

I might not be a good judge of people but I think I'm alert enough to know what kind of person some people are. Perhaps it's just me reading too much into things. But there are some actions that really gets on my nerves.

Perhaps I've been too kind. Perhaps apart from cracking the occasional jokes here and there, I'm actually treating the people around me too well, and now it's coming back to fucking bite me in the fucking rear. Maybe Melvin was really right all along, there is always a giver and a taker in every relationship.

I'm not going to become a taker. But I sure as help am pretty sick of giving all the time. There is always a third option when it comes to relationships like this, and that is to cut it off entirely. It might not be an immediate thing, but I guess I'll just have to do it slowly and steadily.

In the end, it really is true. We have to all be strong to a certain extent to fend for ourselves, only then can we even afford to have the luxury of taking care of the ones around you; but even when you do, it might not mean that you won't be treated like a fucking moron.

It's really sad yea? But then again, maybe now I'll finally have some proper time for myself, I guess my main motivation most of the time is really just fueled by anger. Well, whatever works I guess?

Apart from improving myself, I really gotta start focusing on my health as well if I intend to even live half the lifespan of my granny's. Love ya ahma! Xoxo

Nominal variables are variables measured in monetary units

And real variables are variables measured in constant units.

Somehow for this semester, I can't seem to muster up the motivation like I did last
semester to mug. The tutorials aren't really thst hard, but when I read through my lecture notes, I find that there're still a few things that I don't really understand man :( well, I guess I don't really have to worry that much though, I think at this pace I'm going, passing shouldn't be a problem so I should be thankful? 

Macro ah macro.. why do you have so many stuff I need to memorize man :(

Sometimes I wish I was academically inclined like Glenn man. Life would be so much easier :(

wot iz luv?

So a friend and I had an interesting topic today, and somehow we stumbled on the subject of love and got really balls deep into it.

So seriously, what is love? Every one of us has experienced a form of love to some degree, yet when we try to verbalize it, its hard to find the right words.

Is there more than one form of love? Or is it just one large 'entity' altogether? My friend asked me which would hurt you more? The death of your parents? Or your wife? Well, I've never actually experienced losing a loved one so close before so I cant really imagine that; which is really weird cos I think I have quite the vivid imagination :/

When I watched "The Imitation Game" recently with Lam, the protagonist was married to a really beautiful lady despite him being homosexual as he needed her around to fulfill his goals, when he finally revealed his sexuality to her, she said she has already suspected it, and still wants to stick around as she truly did love him. She even argued that their marriage, although unconventional, was one that was at least better than the majority of marriages out there. It was a union of two minds, and that was enough for her.

To me, I believed that the lady in "The Imitation Game" truly did love the protagonist, it just came in a different form. But why? Why would she love a man who is clearly not sexually attracted to her? (not that it really matters I think? But then this dude yknow, is into anything but vajayjays so yeah.)

But I digress, it is hard to both justify and quantify something as intangible as love, is it an emotion? An action? A decision? Or just something utterly in between?

When she asked me what love meant today, I did not really know how to answer her, but I did tell her that "Love is a responsibility.". But really, there's so much more to it.

Back when I was together with P, I told her almost everyday that I loved her, not fully able to define it any other way. But truthfully, I really believed it every single time when I uttered those words to her. And although till today I am able to tell myself that I have loved and lost before, it is still almost impossible to define love.

Is Love selfless? Is it about sacrifice? Does it have an expiry date? If so, is it really true love? Is Love a choice? A responsibility? How many forms does love come in? Is there really any difference between loving and liking someone apart from the degree of affection you provide to the subject?

Dictionary.com defines love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." I guess that's the best way to explain what love is after all huh? 

At the end of the day, I'd like to believe that love comes in many forms, love towards your parents, love from your friends, love from your significant other, love for your pets, and perhaps even occasionally, love you give or receive to strangers; this really brings me to another subject: Do we love for ourselves? Or do we love for others? Does that make sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't because it's like almost 2am and I'm probably not thinking straight.

It's weird right? I've always believed that we humans were inherently selfish yet the word "Love" itself has been ingrained into us as a selfless act. We humans are like living contradictions or something. I think I'm better off revising for my exams than to ponder about questions like this where I don't have the answers to anyway. :/

So it turns out, if you've been reading this to uncover the meaning of love, I'm sorry I've wasted your time. Maybe someday someone would be able to enlighten me on this subject, and I'll be sure to post the answer here. :) Until next time! :D

Anyway karaoke on Tuesday was great! Too bad we didn't have a full attendance as usual :/

Burnt bridge

Everytime I hear news about you, it will always be unpleasant to me.

I won't lie, although it's way less frequent now, you still run through my mind from time to time. And it really sucks whenever that happens, because it makes me think of the endless possibilities of what might have been, if I had just been a little less stupid, and a little more aware of your needs and wants.

You seem really happy though, and somehow that just adds salt to my wounds. It's not that I don't want to see you being happy, I just never expected us to be happy separately. It was really pure self-centeredness that i thought whatever future we may have, we would have it together. Earlier this year you told me that back then you thought I didn't love you anymore anyway, that's not true. It's not that I did not love you, it was just that I loved myself more. So much that I took you for fucking granted.

And I regret every fucking second of it.

On a completely separate note, fuck biz stats man. :(

Gluttony

Just posting here cos I realized I haven't updated my blog in awhile :/ Nothing really interesting happened recently, but exams are coming up in 3 weeks time so yea I got that to look forward to _|_

I'm not typically an aesthetically self-concious guy, but it's been pretty clear to me that I've grown so fat that even my face is a little plump now. :(

Looked into my wallet and found out I was cashless. Realized in spent my remaining $30 on mcdelivery just the other day. Thought about mcdelivery, and went to order it again.

I guess I'm fine being fat huh! I mean it's not like I'm trying to get some girls or anything currently, and there's really no other motivation for me to lose weight excessively. I shall continue my comfortable, blobby,  fat life for now :D

Can't wait for my exams to end man. For the first time there's actually no solid plans after my exams but my friends are however all planning to go to Taiwan this time around. Should I join them? I don't really wanna spend money though.. choices choices.. I guess I'd be pretty bored if I was stuck here in singapore with nothing to do anyway :/

Holy shit I wonder how these kiddos are doing wahahahha