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I wouldnt say intelligence or knowledge comes with age, but strangely nowadays it appears that when I look back,(I dont even need to look that far back actually :/) I have indeed changed alot. This time it isnt just my state of mind that has changed, but my behavior as a whole. Perhaps my character too. And I'm not sure if im very satisfied with who I am now hmm.. That happy-go-lucky Dun is kinda no more I think?

I wonder what happened? Could it be that the breakup really did such a substantial damage that I can't really crawl back up? Did I like "gave it my all" so much so that I sacrificed a part of me that I didnt thought I could forsake? (My habits and the like), or could it be that my disdain for army really fucked me up that badly that I cant seem to see people as kind, giving, good people anymore until I've put them through trials and trials and trials till I'm satisfied? I refuse to believe that humans are bad, but it seems that as I grow older, I realize that indeed, life isnt a bed of roses (i wouldnt want a bed made out of that anyway) and those naive thoughts that I thought would work would never work once you try to look a little deeper and realize that you can't always simplify things.Some stuff just aren't meant to be oversimplified to the point where you just have to state your intentions and go in with your all. Are humans selfish? I guess for now I'd have to agree with that. Sad that it may be this was not the way I was brought up and I never wanted to believe it. But its getting clearer and clearer as the days go by. Maybe it's just the kind of people i'm exposed to, or maybe I've just been expecting too much from the start with how the world is supposed to be/work.

Its funny how when you're younger you think you know how the world is like. Well, theres this phrase called 百闻不如一见 in chinese uh, which roughly translate to "Hearing about it for a hundred times is nothing compared to seeing/experiencing it yourself". I guess thats true uh, with all those half-baked theories we've had in our lives as teenagers, we really thought we've got it all down. Bullshit.

Anyway on a lighter note I just managed to find our Arysad's number once more through facebook, haven't met everyone in like fucking ages, two years I suppose? Really miss those days where I would just sit around with the brothers 5(I'm only like close with 4 but whos counting.) and talk through the night, sharing ideas and lame jokes and not giving three hoots about anything else in life except for the company. Never really took a picture with them though sadly. But now that I've gotten their numbers perhaps its time to hang out with some old timers for awhile!

Sometimes I really wish I can consult my younger self for advice, as I grow older I seem to get more and more scared of everything. Call me a pussy but yeah. Really, courage is really dimishing from me as the hours pass. Maybe its because of all the failures I've been through up till today that I finally realized that I should stop lying to myself as I'm not really as awesome as I thought I am. 

Funny how they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger huh? Or those other lines about how failure will only make you stronger and stuffs. Doesnt really apply to me eh, the more I see and know the weaker I get. This is fucking ridiculous. Only thing I can do now is to excercise more, read up more textbooks, and prepare myself for the next hurdle ahead.

Is knowing when to back down a glorified version of giving up? Is there a difference? Someone enlighten me.

Jesus my father I am so sorry I've strayed so far apart from your love, but in my everyday life I am seeing less and less of you. People around me tell me that you're just something imagined, something illogicaland people with faith are just self-deceiving morons. And sometimes I think that I can feel you yet I am never really sure. What should I do? :( What's right and what's wrong? 

Oh gosh I'm seriously so glad not many people come here to read this bullshit. Jeez.

Anws I shall go friendster now and look at my really old photos wahaha!!

Just did that and realized my old account has been deleted. Hmm.. :/