I am sorry for not studying my 2.5 hours total today. I only studied for 1 hour.
I am sorry for not reading the bible today.
I am sorry for being such an asshole in life.
I am sorry for indulging in all those fun and forgetting to study even though you asked me to.
I am sorry I made you cry.
I am sorry I do not understand how you're feeling from time to time.
I am sorry.
I really am.
I am sorry for letting you love me so much.
I am sorry for telling you I love you.
I am sorry for not being there for you all the time.
I am sorry for not messaging you sometimes.
I am sorry for not being able to abide by my vulgarity control.
I am sorry for not understanding your intentions from time to time.
I am sorry for disiaoing you from time to time and say things I really dont mean.
I am sorry for all those pain I caused you.
I am sorry for expressing out my thoughts to you.
I am sorry for not being able to control my passion.
I really am sorry. I really really am. I really really do love you so. I am not perfect. Yet you accept me for who I am. I am a big jerk. Yet you still love me for who I am. I make you cry. Yet you call me to tell me it is all alright. You are sad yet you put up a front just for me so I wont feel as sad. I am sorry... I really really am..
I am a troublemaker. I cause trouble everywhere I go. Yet you are willing to still bear with me and love me so. I really want to share all your troubles and solve them one by one. If I one day find out that I myself am the trouble. I will definately leave your life. No matter how much it pains me to. I will definately leave I one day become a burden for you. I am not the best looking person around and you still chose me.
Stop thinking you're in the wrong. You're NEVER in the wrong! I am a big jerk and all but really. I have never ever lied to you. Everything I have said was true. I really do love you so. I know your exams are here. And being right there for you will become a distraction. I shall leave till you call me back. I will miss you. But stop asking me to go find other girls just cos you have your limitations. You are my wifey for a reason. I love you. I dont care how chio or whatever how other girls look like. They might look better than you. They might be richer than you. Some might be nicer and kinder than you. But listen. I chose you for a reason. You give me warmth no one else could have. You affect my mood in a way no one else could have. Please. Stay in my life. One week of waiting is nothing.
Love does not require two to look at each other. But rather for two to look in the same direction. I love you. I will wait. I will endure. I will supress my desires. I will prove to others that I am worthy of you. Worthy of your tears.
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| It is now the year 2014, April 24th. This blog post was never published till now because at that time people were snooping around a lot on my blog and my relationship with Sofia was to be kept a secret back then due to her semi-psychotic parents. I think I kept it as a draft as sort of a letter to her as she had the password to my blogger back then? I did leave her in the end though. Because I guess back then I just wanted to "explore" a little more and she just wasn't enough. She was a great girlfriend. And now she's probably graduating from her university and having a good relationship with her current boyfriend. So I guess things did turn for the better! Being stuck with someone that has lost their feelings for you is a painful thing, kinda like an emotional parasite. I'm glad I backed off back then even though it was really selfish. To whoever that might ever come across this in the future, do know that while two people can be crazily in love at a point of time, things just don't always turn out the way positively for this instance I'm the piece of shit that got bored of the relationship and threw away a really great girl! But that's for the better cos even till now as I am reading this, I cannot feel any form of passion for her, I do remember what it was like back then though! My state of mind, my priorities, my behavior and everything else. I was a good kid. I just got bored. But damn! I wonder where I got the last like about "love is about looking in the same direction" thing! That was smooth son! |
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