Lines so fine it's almost blurry

My bunk smells so weird now after they've apparently repainted the place last week while I way away.. It feels kinda unfamiliar now, doesn't matter though.

In another 23 weeks I'll be an actual civilian again, time to get my life back on tracks instead of just constantly reading and watching shows. Can't wait!

Oh crikey I forgot to bring toilet paper into camp -.-

I still remember the day I enlisted like it was yesterday. Spent the entire day before without sleep because Anaqi advised me to make myself as lethargic as possible as it would be hard to sleep in on the first day on enlistment. Left home at an ungodly hour to pasir ris with Phoebe and Mum. It was on a Valentines day, and the only present I could give to my girlfriend at that point of time was my absence for the next 17 days. Pretty sad but kinda excited at the same time as my (ex)girlfriend and I had just watched "Ah Boys To Men" and I was pretty stoked to see what army had in store for me. A million questions ran through my head, what coy would i be in? Would I be able to make friends in a batch who consists of predominantly JC graduates who are two years younger than me? Do they smoke? How badly would my friends and family miss me and vice versa. It was really dreadful yet exciting at the same time. But probably more dread than excitement now that I think about it. Upon stepping foot onto tekong I was swiftly separated from my parents and friends as they were brought into this amphitheatre where parents are given the talk on what recruits will undergo during their stay in Tekong, i still remember myself lugging this luggage with really noisy wheels and everyone was looking at me and my big tummy. Ah. Memories indeed.

Maybe I'll talk more about my enlistment story the next time, my fingers are getting a little tired and my bed smells really funny it's kinda distracting.

23 more weeks. I can't wait.

I worry more than I should when it comes to you. This is bad. Am I allowed to do that?

Foolish fool

Oh Dominic treasure your childhood while you still can. The road ahead is long and arduous!

Because I bother to bother and because I'm just that useless, i gave myself insomnia once again when I was sleepy as fuck on the last bus home.

Way to go la DP. Smart boy boy. What now? Go for a 180 change in attitude or remain the stupid way you are now?

Where do i begin on the journey to find the old me back hmm..

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I guess its sometimes good t have a online journal like this yknow? Like if your close friends ask like "Hey, how's your day?" you can go like "Ah just go read my blog i'll link you the post later." and you can save yourself probably like 10 mins of ranting?

Lets hope Good Mythical Morning can put me to sleep!

When rust collects at the underside of a car

Watching breaking bad now. Kinda jealous that Walter's wife is so caring yet really annoying at the same time.

What does it mean to live and not just survive? I guess that probably means living each day to the fullest as happy as you can with the things and people that you care about? That sounds about right no? Being able to experience happiness each and every day.

Sigh.. But wouldn't it be selfish if the person you care about doesn't have the time for you and yet you still really want to spend time with them? I mean everyone needs their own "me" time from time to time but im just kinda afraid that this "me" time would last forever yknow? What if I'm just not interesting enough to go back to? I'm sorta boring and whiny and all too anyway.. Like i guess it kinda sucks to want to "live" when you're not strong enough yourself.

Isn't it stupid how we shut the people who care about us just so we can try to get the attention of those who don't give us enough? It's really fucking sad really but is that human nature? Or am I just too young and dumb to appreciate things I already have. Am I allowed to appreciate things that I already have while striving for more? Then again, there's also the chance of the person being "bored out" after you start reciprocating I guess? Humans are such fickle creatures at times I swear.

I am really really afraid one day I might just bore you out. Or in another words, becoming obsolete in your life. I mean who's stupid enough to keep something that's useless to them and they don't care for in their lives right? Who has time for that kinda charity? Well, when that happens it'll really be a huge pity I guess.

In my opinion, humans are constantly selfishly seeking for more yknow? How is someone like me who is always so easily contented going to even connect with a fellow human being and "stay stagnant together"? Is it really so wrong to not yearn for more? (Disclaimer: I'm not an Anthropologist i'm just stating my POV which is probably wrong sigh..)

Recently I've been thanking people for the smallest things they do because I'm trying to become a better person and blah blah, but somehow sometimes it seems that showing appreciation is almost tantamount to showing your weakness at times. It's like they start thinking I need them in their lives yknow? Should I be more of a jerk then? Just a passing thought.

Man I'm just a new guy, what's the best course of action for a guy like me cmon.

Gotta cut down on smoking though, Walter's cancer is scaring the shit outta me :(

Walter is pretty darn cool though I doubt I'd ever be cut out for a life of crime now that I think about it.

Cmon man its getting harder and harder to picture what would luffy do nowadays. I heard that Oda is recently ill too.. Please get well soon!!

Everyday

My bunk mate Jordan asked me this today. "Hey Dun, do you still think of her even till today?" "Everyday." I told him.

I'm sure I don't miss or love you anymore, but it's just really odd that you'll pop up at the back of my head for a few minutes every single day. I guess thats what happens when something beautiful happens in your life eh? The treasured memories will be firmly ingrained in your subconsciousness, whether you like it or not. It isn't such a bad thing though I guess?  Funny how I'll still get really perturbed whenever mel talks about you hmm.. Maybe I really am schizophrenic? Or maybe it's cos through him I can see every bad impression you've ever had about me embodied into his behaviour towards me. My friend that I've known for 10 years. Not cool.

Well, hope you're having a good life P! We've both grown a lot from this and i'm really grateful to god for letting us cross paths!

Going to mahjong in 7 hours time! Let's go!

On an entirely unrelated note, sometimes I really want to face palm myself -_-  I really hate my fat thumbs at times I swear.

I know I've changed a lot since 2012. But are these good changes?

I feel like I've became more of a coward than before. Fuck.

I need to get stronger in the shortest time possible. Fuck this shit. I need to really gain at least my confidence to speak the fuck up.

It's so fucking frustrating to see your friends in distress yet you don't really know what you can say or do to comfort them. Not that I'd rather they not confide their shit to me though but I just wish I could be more useful to them..

What does "being there for a friend" truly mean? Should you be there even if you're useless to their situation? I don't get it..

Its only 180 days more but why do I feel as if this week's gonna be long as fuck? 

A Saturday Post

Whoaa it's been ages since I've blogged on a saturday night, I guess its cos normally when I'm home i'd just hit the sack almost immediately after bathing and fiddling with my phone a little :/

Finally met up with Sean today. Realized that there are still many things lacking that truly makes me a man. Sigh.. I wonder if I'll still be as "childish" 5 years from now.. I miss you you fat bastard!

He told me that in life you only need 6 friends in life in which you can depend on and the world would be your oyster. It's not easy though..

I guess what really matters now is that I never should never stop improving myself in whatever ways I can, so that I can actually be useful to the people around me when the need arises.

I guess all my life I've just been seeking acceptance from people around me. It might sound really easy but the worst part is I am truly nothing special. I do not have many accomplishments nor do I have a really tragic story to tell others. What truly makes me unique? Sigh..

Vivienne recently introduced me to this abs exercise routine thing though! Sounds really fun, hope I can find a secluded place in camp where I can "suffer" on my own without anyone noticing me.

Its so hard to pen your thoughts down when its been kinda hectic mentally for this past few days.

I wonder if will still be as close as we are now when you start to notice more of my flaws and realize that I am no longer useful to you.

I hate living with regrets, but I must learn to control my impulses otherwise I'd probably just fuck things up again. Truth is im just really confused right now..

If only I could read minds huh.. :/ It's scary to tell people what you're thinking when you get older cos it makes you really really vulnerable. And I guess its just harder for a human to trust another when you've been through hell and back.

Pfft bullshit, what kinda hell have I really been through? :/ Its all in the head Dun Dun, get over yourself.

Oh turns out I didn't fall that deep! False alarm people! Woops!

"I've been to hell and back, and back to hell, and back, and now back again.." - Lion, Dota 2

Never really played with hot wheels when I was younger but I have always been a fan of DB though! :)

I think I'm really easily contented

I like it when we are talking happily again, well as least sometimes I do feel happy uh!

Today's the day I finally book out! Well not actually finally la I've only been in camp since Wednesday but still it's good to book out!!

Been really over smoking lately, time to cut down man I've smoked 3 and a half packs since Tuesday night till now..

Shall end this post with several pictures of Anaqi and Melvin that Liangyi helped me took back on the bus home a long time ago!

I'm in trouble

Shit. I think i've indeed fallen kinda deep.. I've told myself not to and I've tried to keep my distance but in the end I still fell too deep.

Maybe it's the fact that I saw myself as some kinda knight in shining armour after hearing about your stuff you know? I guess that's kinda chauvinistic of me.. Stupid stupid emotions.. I really dk how to go back to where I once was. Opening up your heart to someone is really scary stuff. Hope is a scary thing my friend..

I really really hate undercurrents. The fact that I know I kinda made a wrong move would set me back many many steps. Sigh.. and I've nvr even gotten the chance to properly have a good proper talk with you. This sucks.

Really hope things works out well one way or another uh. The harder I push the worse it will probably get. Time to put some patience to the test.

I am really really fond of you.

Update on 28/6/14: Nevermind false alarm! Actually its been a false alarm for a few weeks now but now that I read this back I realize what a fool I have been haha! >.< You cant just like any random girl you think that's borderline pretty and laughs at your jokes ADP! Don't be silly!