I love my own bed cos it's the only place I can comfortably fall asleep in :(

Or maybe it's just that gedong has a really "shitty" atmosphere to sleep in the night? Sigh I've been here for almost a year now and yet i'm still constantly having insomnia and the only way I can ever fall asleep is when I'm seriously exhausted or something. This place sucks man, sleep is one of the best things in life that's for free and yet i'm constantly deprived of here. Thank god for the multiple shows I've downloaded in advance before I booked in.

Apart from being deprived of sleep, this week wasn't so bad i guess? Finally finished watching all the 6 star wars movie, the croods, and percy Jackson! And it's only Wednesday morning now haha gotta fall in for breakfast in about an hour and 10 mins. Sighh.. Really really thankful for my note 4 though, such a big improvement compared to my iPhone 4. Without it I'd probably be just scrolling 9gag all day long and rummaging through mangareader for something nice to read, at least I have the choice to watch shows now wahaha so shiok so shiok!

Oh and how I met your mother finally ended, it kinda felt like a part of me has gone away and will never be back. But I guess that's life eh? All good things come to an end. Shall not talk much about its last episode though I got to say it was really kinda rushed. Didn't get the chance to feel for the characters before they skipped ahead to the next scene. Perhaps that was intentional? Or maybe I'm just kinda cold blooded hmm.. Been catching The Big Bang Theory recently it's pretty good though wonder why some people hate on it so much?

Sometimes the bromance between Raj and Howard kinda reminds me of how Nicol and I were when we were younger hahaha!!

Penny looks really unglam here but she's kinda cute actually! 

It's been long since I've watched a show that made me feel something though, the last show that ever succeeded was probably wreck-it-ralph? Before that was CJ7 I think? Yeah that Chinese movie about this green alien pet thingy that has special powers n stuff. Last time I actually teared was probably while I was watching one piece though? Good show good show. Really love almost every character in that manga/anime. Oda is a freaking genius I tell ya! I remember how I felt so inspired to be more like luffy back when I was 14 and still watching one piece on kids central yknow? Happy, loyal, naive and always sticking to his principles yet somehow he almost always manages to get through all his trials and tribulations in one way or another! Luffy is awesome! If everyone was more like him I'm sure the world would be a much better place!

Oh and I can't wait to attend Dun Jiu's wedding which is like one day after my ord!!! 8 months plus more to go we can do this!! For now I guess imma try to improve myself in any aspect I can to prep myself for the real world! Though there are many limitations but I'll do my best!! Let's start with watching more shows n trying to learn something out of them!! I'm sure many might disagree but I believe that anything can be a learning journey as long as you pay attention and keep an open heart?

Yeah my blog's ultra wordy huh.. Bah who cares no ever comes here other than myself anyway! Maybe one day when I have kids I can send them this link in my will! Then they'll be able to find out what's going on in their dad's mind back in those days hmm?

My vocabulary's seriously limited sigh..

lack of confidence

I just realized im becoming an awkward person just like how I used to be in secondary school after getting bullied for two years back then. Starting to stutter more and more.. Worst part is I don't even know what I can do to gain it back again.

Sell me this pen

Been In love with "Say Something", "依然爱你" and "天后"。Funny thing is they're all kinda about heartbreak and not wanting to let go of the person they love or some sort like that. But I doubt i'm like that ba? Maybe the only thing I feel is 遗憾 as things could be much better eh, sigh screw it. The lyrics are reslly nice though! Maybe I like them cos I've felt the way those songs are supposed to made me feel once?

4ntm duty is upon 42 SAR Kaffir and everyone's got ants in their pants. Sigh this is just gonna be a reenactment of the previous one where everyone just tries t scheme n back stab each other to avoid getting weekend duties. Disgusting disgusting. Hope I won't be forced to make a choice as well if not I really will be torn between wasting a weekend or biting someone in the bum bum. Really sick of playing politics in this stupid place. Leave me alone and let me watch my shows!

Just finished watching the wolf of wall street, scary how money really corrupts people. Are humans truly evil? Or am I just being close minded and self-delusional? Well even if I was I would rather stay a fool than to become an immoral bastard cos that's not the way I was raised. Have fun rolling in your money I guess? 我不想赚这种钱。it's an intriguing show nonetheless though.

Now its time for some arrested development!

Welp! That's all for today's post! 

There's love in this world. I know it.

Finally a normal blog post that isn't so depressing

Fell asleep early today like around 11pm yet i'm awake now again. Must be the cold huh. Kinda making me miss the hot weather I had when I was having my two weeks block leave.. Welp i'm back here! Nth I can do about it but to hang in there for another 38 weeks! Doesn't feel that long when you see it like that huh! In less than 10 hours time I'll be leaving camp for my physiotherapy once more. Hope this isn't the last time or anything ba cos physios while not being just generally helpful for my hand, also helps me escape from this dusty, dirty place for a while. Really grateful for it its what keeps my sanity intact when I'm in camp sometimes. Call me weak but I really really dislike being held against my will in a place for a year and ten months. At least there's only 8 months plus plus to go. 😆I really want to improve on my English man..

Gotta do 4ntm guard duty this Sunday,  which means that while I get to book out this Friday,  I'll have to book back in on Saturday night again. Sigh, hope this will be the last weekend duty i'll be doing in the next three weeks. 😞

Fiona's birthday is coming up!! Please don't gimme guard duty on 5th or 6th April pls encik!!

To the people I've hurt/offended late last year: I do not expect you all to forgive me, but I sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavours. I was in a really unstable mood/condition at the period of time and I handled myself poorly and shamefully. That kind of behavior was unacceptable and I hope that nothing of that sort would ever happen again for the rest of my life 😧

On a totally unrelated note, I really wanna talk to you on the phone eh, like try to right my "wrongs" and all, but we aren't even close and i'm not a fan of being ignored, you could say that I'm kinda fond of you but still nah. It's apparent that I am not someone important anyway. I guess I tried too hard (and too little at the wrong time) already uh. Lesson learnt ohwell! Wasted. But maybe not since perhaps we didn't waste each others time after all! You'll never know who you are uh but yeah, I got too impatient and made a string of wrong moves uh. Got what I deserved.

Really really not looking forward to doing guard duty on Sunday mannnnn.. Nvm take it as compensating for my "bad army karma"!

Becoming really careless recently. Hate it.

Oh yeah my camp had a blackout just the other day only! Pretty cool shit but lasted for like 2 hours then everything went back to normal again!

Complications simplified

Had a long talk with Melvin the other night, super interesting yet really depressing at the same time hmm..

Always have hope, always remember your purpose here and never lose track of it. Cos if you do, who would you be really?

Done too many things I've been ashamed of for this past 6 months since my break up. This must stop. I gotta find back that brave, happy-go-lucky, confident Dun Ping that I used to know. What's done is done, its never too late to make changes.

There's no better time than now, or after I wake up since its already 4:33am >.<

You can do it ADP! You can become a better person if you set your heart and mind to it! Just believe! And smile more often because like you have always said in the past, a happy person is a beautiful person! :D

Damn i'm good.

Empty

I wouldnt say intelligence or knowledge comes with age, but strangely nowadays it appears that when I look back,(I dont even need to look that far back actually :/) I have indeed changed alot. This time it isnt just my state of mind that has changed, but my behavior as a whole. Perhaps my character too. And I'm not sure if im very satisfied with who I am now hmm.. That happy-go-lucky Dun is kinda no more I think?

I wonder what happened? Could it be that the breakup really did such a substantial damage that I can't really crawl back up? Did I like "gave it my all" so much so that I sacrificed a part of me that I didnt thought I could forsake? (My habits and the like), or could it be that my disdain for army really fucked me up that badly that I cant seem to see people as kind, giving, good people anymore until I've put them through trials and trials and trials till I'm satisfied? I refuse to believe that humans are bad, but it seems that as I grow older, I realize that indeed, life isnt a bed of roses (i wouldnt want a bed made out of that anyway) and those naive thoughts that I thought would work would never work once you try to look a little deeper and realize that you can't always simplify things.Some stuff just aren't meant to be oversimplified to the point where you just have to state your intentions and go in with your all. Are humans selfish? I guess for now I'd have to agree with that. Sad that it may be this was not the way I was brought up and I never wanted to believe it. But its getting clearer and clearer as the days go by. Maybe it's just the kind of people i'm exposed to, or maybe I've just been expecting too much from the start with how the world is supposed to be/work.

Its funny how when you're younger you think you know how the world is like. Well, theres this phrase called 百闻不如一见 in chinese uh, which roughly translate to "Hearing about it for a hundred times is nothing compared to seeing/experiencing it yourself". I guess thats true uh, with all those half-baked theories we've had in our lives as teenagers, we really thought we've got it all down. Bullshit.

Anyway on a lighter note I just managed to find our Arysad's number once more through facebook, haven't met everyone in like fucking ages, two years I suppose? Really miss those days where I would just sit around with the brothers 5(I'm only like close with 4 but whos counting.) and talk through the night, sharing ideas and lame jokes and not giving three hoots about anything else in life except for the company. Never really took a picture with them though sadly. But now that I've gotten their numbers perhaps its time to hang out with some old timers for awhile!

Sometimes I really wish I can consult my younger self for advice, as I grow older I seem to get more and more scared of everything. Call me a pussy but yeah. Really, courage is really dimishing from me as the hours pass. Maybe its because of all the failures I've been through up till today that I finally realized that I should stop lying to myself as I'm not really as awesome as I thought I am. 

Funny how they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger huh? Or those other lines about how failure will only make you stronger and stuffs. Doesnt really apply to me eh, the more I see and know the weaker I get. This is fucking ridiculous. Only thing I can do now is to excercise more, read up more textbooks, and prepare myself for the next hurdle ahead.

Is knowing when to back down a glorified version of giving up? Is there a difference? Someone enlighten me.

Jesus my father I am so sorry I've strayed so far apart from your love, but in my everyday life I am seeing less and less of you. People around me tell me that you're just something imagined, something illogicaland people with faith are just self-deceiving morons. And sometimes I think that I can feel you yet I am never really sure. What should I do? :( What's right and what's wrong? 

Oh gosh I'm seriously so glad not many people come here to read this bullshit. Jeez.

Anws I shall go friendster now and look at my really old photos wahaha!!

Just did that and realized my old account has been deleted. Hmm.. :/

Early book out on Chinese New Years week woo!!

So bored that I'm actually making a blogpost with my phone. Was just told to change into CV, gonna book out anytime now wahaha!! I wonder what I'll do today hmm.. Maybe Rowena will still be at log one and we can meet for a small lepak session? If not maybe ill just cab home with Glen then make an appointment with my artist to see if he'll do a touch up on my leg? Or hopefully liangyi will be free today so we can go jogging! Can't seem to find ppl to mahjong with me today though.. But still I wanna book out!!

Oh yeah can't believe I actually saw Rowena in camp today! Pleasant surprise sia! But didn't manage to take a photo cos I was afraid of being judged by my camp mates lol! Wasted shitz. Let's pray that somehow Glen's dad will miraculously appear today to send us home ba!!

I wanna improve on my vocab, but how? I don't wanna read a dictionary there has to be a better way sigh..

Only 319 days to go, let's go!!