Picture memories

Houman Looks damn fierce la can!?

Damn I miss those days where my fringe was actually down sia.. My Signature green hoodie is still with me up till now woo!

I miss hainan.

From time to time, i will talk about it, or miss those times and look back at those old pictures. Funnily enough, its not cos i had fun with my coursemates there, but its because I miss the kids there, that coconut chopping auntie, and that cool cool wind greeting you every morning when you wake up.

Maybe its because I haven't travelled enough. Or maybe because my life is just too sucky so much so that I think about life in Hainan from time to time? Ahhh the relaxation.. those violent kids who hit girls..

Seriously, day 3-5 is still very muched missed even up till now, I still remember the kids asking me to add them on QQ, which I never did. :/ ohwells hope they dont hate me for it.

P.S. I miss you

I dont feel like myself nowadays.

I am trying to hard to become the one I dislike so much.

Is all my efforts for naught? Have I really gone wrong somewhere along this journey or was I wrong all this while?

I need to know if I was already rotten inside or something made me so.

You might hold some clues. Which is why you keep me thinking..

and thinking..

and thinking.

Fuck this shit. End this confusion right now.

Since when was I so sensitive anyway?

Condemnation

Okay its another late night and I am supposed to be working tomorrow, but heck all that. I cant sleep and theres apprently nothing for me to do on the internet at this kind of time. What does ADP do at this kind of time? Post random shit on his blog, and today, I am going to attempt to post those smartass posts that most people like to do on their blogs. Y'know those things that sound so meaningful and full of meaning n shit? Yeah those kind :)

As you have probably read on the title above, today's topic is about condemnation. Now class, please dont go like "Oh condemnation? Yeah this dude condemned that dude the other day!" Now everyone, take a chill pill and think about it, aren't we all guilty of condemnation? Think harder.. think deeper.. Have you ever been jealous of that dude in your school with all the girls head over heels about him yet you still find him an asshole? Have you ever looked down on someone "weaker" than you? Well those are condemnation(s) too.

Condemnation can appear in the least expected places like I said before, now that I think about it, it does kind of come with emotions doesn't it? Feeling happy because you won the other guy at that dota match and now you go like "Haha! Go play battleon!"? Feeling grumpy because that guy just beat you at your own game and you called him a cheater or said the game is flawed? Feeling sad cos that girl you've always like is now on close terms with another guy?

Well to me, every one of those examples I've given in the above paragraph IS condemnation. You condemn the guy because he has lost to you in a game because you now feel superior. That's a normal thing, it's always awesome to feel superior I know and I have been guilty of this as well sometimes when I THINK I am superior to someone.

But think back. Just because you are better at dota (as stated in the example), better looking, smarter in studies, better in sports, has a way with the girls unlike those other "douches" out there, it doesn't exactly mean you are their "king" or something you know? Although I have to say, haven't we all been proud of something we are good at? Yes definately. But here's where the problem actually roots from. When you are good at something so well that you can absolutely tell a beginner from a pro at a glance, you will start to condemn. You will feel pissed when this guy has won you by luck because you are not supposed to lose. Well. Everyone is guilty of condemnation because we are all proud of something we are good at no?

Imagine, you play billards alot and has a fair amount of experience of it in the game. And then your friend comes along and starts playing. From his first shot you are able to tell that this clown does not even know how to hold his cue stick properly while shooting. You start to think within yourself. "Hmph, this is a joke. I am going to win this." Note that I did not say thrash him because some of us (I know I am one of them) actually have the compassion to just win by a little to let your friend score some balls before you rape his internals inside out. However, whether you got "pang zui" to them or not, the moment they somone managed to win you at "your own game". Dont you start getting frustrated and pissed? You are angry at yourself for losing to such a lousy opponent, angry at yourself for not treasuring every opportunity to aim a little longer at that billard ball. You know if you did, the outcome would have been vastly different. Well my friend, this is a common incident that should have happened to every one of you by now if you have reached the age of 17+ like me. Most people are guilty of condemnation and I am not spared as well.

Alright, so how to we stop condemnation? Well up till now I have only explained one kind of instance where condemnation has happened, and if you haven't catched it yet. I meant pride. Not the dignity kind of pride mind you, but however the kind of pride which makes you proud (arrogant). We get so prideful of ourselves sometimes we deem ourselves better than others at a certain activity. It might sometimes not even be an activity, it sould be the "solidness" of your six packs and his, your penis length. Whatever it might be. When humans start to compare, it is hard to not have condemnation in the slightest.

Condemnation however, is hard and almost impossible to stop. Disgusting as it might be for a human to look down on another, it will almost happen anywhere. Even while you are not thinking about it, it will still be in your subconciousness reminding you that you have a larger penis than your friends'. You might not be thinking about it all the time, but when you do, you'll go like "pfft, mine's supersize and yours' is like two fries." Get what I mean? Condemnation. Even in the stupidest ways.

Condemnation can go from subtle to disasterous. Like being good with dota might make you feel good and stuff but not enough to make you feel like a king but HOWEVER. Being good with the girls definately makes you feel like a king does it not? Condemnation can also go both ways if you know what i mean, remember the condemnation I said previously caused by pride? Say this dude is proud to be good with girls and he thinks this douche will never get her cos he already did. However, this douche at the same time is condemning the dude as well be thinking he is a fucker that plays with girls feelings. Not that it's false but however condemnations usually cause people to see the good in others. Like how the douche will never find the dude a nice guy and the dude will never find the douche a helpful person although they both might actually be rather good-natured in the first place.

Condemnation does not just end here however. Think about it guys. When happens when someone prideful loses at his own game? Does he stop condemning? Depends. What happens usually is that the guy will blame it on luck or the game or whatever shit he can blame on. Seldom himself. (Not me!) I know of people like that but I dont know why, I personally believe (assume), that I do not blame others for my own loss. You see what I just did there? I feel kinda superior already cos I have not done a bad thing other people might have done! Like I'm a person with a better character than some out there. Which might be true or false, but condemnation nonetheless.

Condemnation cannot be stopped nor prevented to me because as long as humans have emotions. Condemnation will be present. Its like a package deal thing you know? Like a cigarette and a lighter. Missing one of those and it'd be just plain impossible. (for a smoker)

Perhaps I am still young now, perhaps one day when I get older I might find the cure for condemnation. But I shall now dwell on this topic anymore now that this blog post has become ridiculously for anyone but me to read (I believe?). Perhaps one day when I chance upon this post when I am 50. I might have different thoughts about it already? But until then. I am still under the impression that we are all stuck under the heavy debris of condemnation that the devil dropped on us when adam ate that dang fruit in the bible.

I'm such a philosopher I love myself <3

Day as an Otaku

Today, I woke up at 5pm due to the lack of sleep on the previous night at Zulfaliq's chalet. Wanted to drink with friends but guess not many were free so the idea was dropped and I spent the rest half of the day as something I haven't been for a very very long time. An Otaku (geek who loves japanese anime and manga?)

Finished watching one piece movie 10 and 8. Thinking back now, I've been watching/reading one piece since I was 13 or 14! I can still remember the first time it was on air on kids central I merely watched it out of coincidence. Never did I thought that I would get myself so hooked up with it even up till the age of 17 going 18.

When I look back, those days where I was an otaku, I kinda seem to have a better personality eh? Perhaps it was then I did not have much friends to hang out with and the only thing that could influence me then was mostly manga(s). Luffy had never fail to make me feel amazed since I was a child. He made the world of pirates a better place with his happy-go-lucky attitude but at the same time, having a strong sense of friendship and his own set of principles he lives by. How can such a simple guy overcome so many troubles and diffuculties? Maybe it was because he is simple and does not think much? I dont know.

Sometimes I think to myself, honestly honestly. Which would a better place to live in? The age of pirates? Or reality. The age of pirates is dangerous and the strong rules over anything else, and when I say strong I meant physically strong like those good at fighting kind of strong. Everything is simple. Much like the animal kingdom. While reality well.. is much more complicated to me, there is so many things to attend to and when you really think back. What do humans really need to survive on? Food, water and air. Even a shelter over your head is not a necessicity. So why so the humans in this society work so hard for what? Money? Who invented this term money anyway? Isn't barter trading more effective?

Okay I'm getting a little out of topic here already i'm most probably sleepy.

Till next time!

I think I am boring her whenever I talk to her :( Drama > ADP

WHAT LOGIC IS THIS HUH!?

Been bored and hopped around a few blogs and started thinking to myself. What makes a human love another who isn't related to them by blood so much? I find it puzzling because being a human myself, I have many many bad habits/points. And I am sure everyone has their own vice too. So, what did we do to make another fall in love with us so much that at the end of the day, we had no choice but to hurt them and bring everything to an irreparable state?

It's funny how sometimes we choose the ones we love. They may not be the funniest, richest, best looking ones, sexiest, or the most caring people you met. Heck, they might not even have ANY good points at all! But you just love them somehow.

Puzzling as it may be, I'm heading off to bed now! This is probably another half-awake post I'm making anyway. -.-

My Dad and me on a bus

One day, me and my dad was on a bus and he was lecturing me about how naughty I am.

Me: So who do I blame then?
Dad: What do you mean?
Me: Like.. You and mum brought me to this world, so it must have been one of your genes that made me this bad right?
Dad: Dont say it like that son, if you meant like we created you so, doesn't that mean that we too deserve the right to abandon you as and when we like?
Me:...

Yup, my dad owns.

Satisfaction~ Satisfaction~ Satisfaction~

Exams are nearing once again and here I am, blogging by the request of Miss To Yi Rui, not bad ah didnt know there were actually readers here hahaha!

Been studying who day today with Adam, Hui Min, Hou Man, and Yu Ling at the LT, again two couples and I'm alone, its funny how I'm always the lonely single boy whenever I hang out with em, whether I'm attached or not :/

Life's been good to me recently, really, I have awesome friends/bros/sisters, awesome parents, and of course an awesome girl by my side! :D Now all that's left for me is to really buck up my studies and my life would be really perfect. With only the stupid WAD sub paper standing in way. Fuck WAD!

I realised a lot of things throughout this period though, like how fucked-up the world actually is. I wonder is life like this as well in the olden days, I'm guessing it is, it's just hard to imagine. I guess this is all part of growing up, you learn things, good and bad (usually more bad but still..)

Damn I need a drinking session soon.

Fragments of my 3 year old self

Wow, after a night of drinking I guess it really made me think alot, I realised I was seriously pure and nice last time!

I still remember the times where my dad or mum would bring me to the church just across my house where it was still a childcare then.
I remember the fear of letting go of my parents hands for the first time.
The uncertaintity, what horrors lie inside that church and how would I cope without my parents. God knows what my parents did to make me let go of their hands at that time to make me let go man. It probably ended with me wailing like no one's business I guess? Wow, guess it must've pained them to see their child cry like some wildebeast when they let go of those small hands to go to work.

I still remember after awhile, my parents would still send me to the childcare everyday. (Being not older than 3 years old that time, they had to.) I recall everyday was a repitition, of me crying whenever I cant see my parents. I still remember me bugging my dad to stay in the church and not leave me while I go and have my lessons.(tracing from A-Z, and god my handwriting was seriously ugly back then too.)

I remember my dad always saying "Alright I'll stay." while I would feel so relieved in my heart and run into the church to play with my friends, after awhile when I turned back, my father would always go missing. Causing me to cry like a maniac once more. Too bad I never caught him in the act before, imagine turning back and seeing your father scuttle away like some cartoon character. Funny thing is, I've never blamed him for "abandoning" me then. I guess being a child has it's good points, whatever sadness or anger you harbour will instantly be gone once you're done and you would not even remember an ounce of it. I would still hold my daddy's hand and just walk home just like nothing ever happened.

I still recall that everytime I cried till it was unbearable for me anymore at the church, this uncle would always bring me to the second floor where there were beautiful colored glass windows, hoping it would make me feel better when I look at them. The funny thing is, being colourful as they are, the windows were also perfect for rebounding sound. Which amplified my crying even louder.(I found it kind of fun back then and would cry even louder just to hear how loud my voice sounds when it comes back)

I even remember the first girl I "loved". It's funny but it was some kind of chinese mtv girl star my parents bought for me in a casette, what were they thinking man? To a young infant at that time who needed help to even pee in the toilet, much less having contact with girls back then, that girl was like the most beautiful girl on earth, with an angelic face and a voice to match.(I cant even remember how she looks like now.) I remember telling my parents that I am going to marry her when I am older, when they asked me how am I going to do it when she is older than me and she exists in a casette only. I replied by saying "I will show this casette to everyone and ask who knows her." Wow, a ridiculous plan but somehow I think I was kinda smart back then aint I?

I remember watching ultraman in front of this small tv, I loved the beeping diamond on his chest as it reminded me of myself at that time cos I had asthma as well. Cant play or run for too long or I'd suffer. Same goes for ultraman. If he fought for too long, his diamond would start beeping and that's when he would use his super-strong instant kill X-beam. My dad even bought me a ultraman encyclopedia back then! (But damn it was in chinese.)

I remember I didnt really like the girls in my class back then somehow as they looked kinda un-fun to hang out with, my image was them was really the stereotypical kind I see in the tv back then, playing with barbie dolls or smelling flowers in the grass. (Although there weren't really much flowers in Singapore.)

When I was a 3 year old, I cried when things don't go my way. (I seldom cry okay!), I forgive and forget really quick, I think of crazy plans to get the girl I like, I do the things I like whenever I want (watching ultraman), I disliked girls, I had a weak body that doesnt even allow me to eat sweets, chocolates, or ice cream.

Now? I dont cry anymore, I cant forgive and forget as quickly as I could last time, I dont do crazy stuff for the one I like anymore, I dont even know what is the favourite thing to do anymore and I find ultraman a joke, I love girls, and I am in good health although I am ruining it.

Imagine how hard my 3 year old self would cry if he saw the state I am in now.

Adp from the future here, reading this years after i typed this im actually pretty pleasantly surprised! I guess its good to keep a blog to keep track of your musings at times huh? (ADP 25/12/17)

To thank all those people I've met since I've stepped into poly

Ok the picture above has nothing to do with the post at all. :/

Alot has happened in this 1.5 years since I've stepped into poly, I've met assholes, crazy fuckers, hot chicks, power-hungry diplomats, backstabbing homos, jealous pricks, cool kids, generous fatties..

But most of all, I've met YOU! YOU are the person I would like to thank in this post. For you have made a change in my life and if you're in the list below, you're probably held in rather high regard. ;)

Are you nervous? Are you nervous yet if your name's on this list? Aw fuck you probably aint cos no one reads this blog anyway.

First on the hall of fame is...

1) POH HOUMAN
You have a fucked up chinese name clown. But aside from that you're a really frickin cool person, whether you know it or not, you're the person I respect the most throughout the whole school, and you didnt even do much to attain this 'level' you just happen to 'be yourself' and that's cool enough for me! Sharing the things you have and never asking for anything in return, lending me your ear when I need you and always being there for me, if I was a warrior, you'd be my frickin weapon cos you're a motherfucking cool dude that I know I can depend on whenever and whereever. It doesnt matter if you're able to help me out or not, your generosity shows all. Thank you for always helping me out when I need you and sharing man. Brother, you rock! If only girls would see through that ahbeng exterior of yours you'd be a frickin pimp daddy! Good luck growing your fringe clown!

2) ADAM YEOW KAI JIE
Well I really didnt know you were such a cool dude at the start, you didnt really catch my eye when I first met you at TBC, I still remember at that time I just wanted to hang out and screw around blah blah blah, until when you joked with me at some game during the camp and slowly slowly, bam! you're a cool mofo man! You got the funniest jokes and you're one of the most steady person I have met in IIT, no wait make that TP since I dont know much people there anyway. Good luck with that girl man! She feels you're too good for her and I think so too, but ah fuck that, you're a cool guy and you deserve every inch of her. ;)

3) SEAN WONG KENG MUN
This chubby ol chum of mine. Well what can I say, you're the first few person I met at school.(Make that day one.) And yeah, I never expected to become bros with you man! Your first impression to me was that you're a dangerous dude who would probably bully people around the school and like walk about sapalak and I'd probably not like that. But hey, thinking back now you're quite the cool guy too! We've been through quite a bit thinking back now, giving each other advice and you giving me those "tips", they'll come in handy soon man! Last long with carrot! All those effort aren't wasted I tell ya! Fucking get married or i'll kick yo ass!

4) ZULKARNAIN SADALI
LOL I had to go back to facebook to make sure that I got your name correct, sorry ah bang, always call you zul for short mah. I owe you alot from the beginning man, thinking back, I kinda already know you when I was in secondary school, cept that I dont know who you are, and my bad for making fun of you that time cos well.. You were really kinda entertaining. Thank you for always being there for me when I need you depite having to much shit to handle for youself. It sucks being you and I always feel that I dont do enough to make it up to you at times.. I'm sorry bro, I wish i was more competent, thank you for not looking down on me and always guiding me when I need you, I wish I had a real brother like you sometimes, really happy to have you in my life.

Okay that's enough of my brothers in IIT school. Now to move on to the ladies, sad to say I have only one lady I would call my "sister" here, but still, there's still another one here in this is list which is worth mentioning!

1) TO YI RUI! <3 br="">EH SIS I PUT A HEART FOR YOU HERE LEH! SPECIAL SPECIAL! :D
Haha, this crazy girl is another one of those which I'd never expect to be so close to when I first stepped into TP. You looked like those basketball girls or sth, turns out you're awesome at table tennis instead huh! Well at least I'm not totally wrong. You're a really cool kid you know? :) Take good care of yourself la! Thin like a bamboo liao still always wanna lose weight, thank you for always showing concern to me! And being there for me even at my most un-man times! You're a frickin sweet girl and you WILL DEFINATELY end up with someone equally sweet and caring with you someday! Just dont forget this bro ah! When I need a shoulder you dont go tian mi mi with your future boyf and forget me hor! YOU ROCK! :D

2) TIN SHI LI
HAHAHAHAHA I'm sure people who know me well probably will expect her name in this list, well this is a special species seriously, she made me realise to many things, what a girl needs and how I should start acting like. Met her around the same time as Adam, you look like a malay you bimbo triangle! :D I'm happy that I always manage to make you laugh at least once when I meet you or on the phone, dont have one time you never meet me you never laugh one right? :) Or maybe its cos you're the kind that laughs easily ah.. :/ You're my motivation to study hard you know? You are excellent in planning you time. TEACH ME LEH!
<3 br="">

ADP from the future here, while poly is pretty interesting and you're thankful that you've meet a ton of awesome people, there are also people that you realize were fake from the start, and that you never mattered to them in the first place. But that's how the world is right? Because the truth is they kinda never mattered to you either. (ADP 18/12/17)

What's going on?

Skipped school today cos I overslept, met Andy at the polyclinic and he looked like crap. Came home after getting my mc and starting using my com..

Its really times like this that reminds me of myself in the past, when I was in the early sec 3s and I would always go to the polyclinic to get an mc and come back to play GUNZ online. Ahh.. those loser, no-friends days.. Although many things have changed after three years ever since I befriended Nicol, I start to realise that my study attitude has never changed throughout the years.. slack.

I have managed to made it this far by not putting in any effort, but ever since I stepped into poly, I start to realise that my working attitude needs to be changed, the future is at stake now mannnn!!

Currently studying for my french test tomorrow and now. Just finished my IN3D research and now i'm left with the sketch i'm goin to leave up to james and audrey later to help me finish it! Hopefully..

Life's great when you know you have friends who will help you out when you need them to! ;)

Dun from the future here (6/9/17), i don't even recall delegating my school tasks to my secondary school friends back when i was in poly lolol! But i guess everything turned out fine? In the end, i never realy gave my 100% at school at all. It was just mostly impulsive motivation (or something like that haha cant find a more apt description). 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

OMGAWD THE JOURNALS FOR IN3D IS SO FRICKIN HARD I'M GOING TO DIE!

Shit man I dont know anything about any of the questions asked there, and thats not all, my HCI e-learning... oh gawd oh gawd.... -.-

DP from the future here (6/9/17), its been years since I've graduated from my polytechnic days and i can't recall a single shit about the subjects that I've learnt. Guess im not very good at retaining information huh? Nonetheless im glad that school is over and oddly enough, im actually enjoying my working life pretty well!

I am sibei sian

This is the first frickin time i'm blogging in school's concourse. Read the title for the reason ah. Currently sending CounterStrike into my thumbdrive to send to Arif but its taking ages while hes busy with his MAYA stuff.. Year 2.1 isnt going to be a bed of roses man looking at the assignments due soon.. Ohwells! Just gotta buck up ah, been slacking all my life maybe this time round I'll change?



I miss playing Pokemon with my handphone.. :'(

Adp from the future here! In the end year 2.1 was a bed of roses hahaha. I'm in uni now! And I'm still hoping to buck up a little this time as it's the final bound. Wish me luck! (ADP 2/8/16)

What the kuan

Ok damn I cant sleep once again, the time now is 3:13am and I'm like 5 hours plus away from my next lesson.. -.- Damn man shouldn't have taken that nap just now in the afternoon and then waking up around 10pm+.. -.-

I realised that sometimes, people whom I am not close with even know a little about me, which could be quite uncomfortable when they suddenly come up to you and say "Hey, you like *that person* right!?", what the kuan!!?? How did they even know that sia!? Creepy..

Well, recently I realised also, that there's always been a slight misconception between being "flirt", and being "friendly with the opposite gender", sometimes it does get really irritating because some of us didnt even mean to act or look like a flirt. Here's what I think, men and women are equal, if you can joke around with guys, why cant you do the same with the girls without being called a flirt? Weird huhh.. Humans.

Well, by now you probably realise that this post is another one of those "ranting" posts filled with bullshit about what sometimes goes into ADP's head. (not that anyone reads this shit though, but I'll just pretend someone does so it wont look as if I'm talking to myself.)

Poly life's been fuckin tiring, first week of year 2 and I'm already starting to dread school, probbaly going to get some shit done with botak with our CMSK which is due on week 3. Darn, I got a feeling that this group is frickin lazy and I'll probably get screwed if I dont work hard enough.. Arghh..

Time check, 3:25, alright, time try hitting the sack once more, cya my non-existant readers!

Adp from the future here! Omg I'm so tanned. Anyway I was right in the end the group wouldn't get anything done until I told them to, which was fine I guess? It's almost the same thing now in uni as it was back in poly except for one of my group which had a fairly bossy leader. Hope I can survive the upcoming semester and get my degree without much issues! (ADP, 20 FEB 2016)

You know that you're toxic

School's starting soon already.. Year 2 here I come!!! Its finally time to work hard after scoring like crap in the past semester.. Pray that I wont have to retake ANP and CMATHS2 next sem!! Ehh!!?? Why the heck is Tick Tock having the highest time played on my itunes playlist!!?

Adp from the future 6/9/17 here. Wow i really sounded a lot like an idiot in the past huh? Nothing much has really changed actually, i think im still pretty retarded at times hahaha. My music taste was pretty shit back then too lelelel.

Judgemental Skills

The pic above had totally nothing to do with what i'm going to post today, its just that cos its just mighty awesome and I realised my blog lacks alot of pics anws ahh.. =))

What can you believe when the things you see and feel are like on and off, sometimes you feel this way, while at the next moment, you start to have doubts, things your friends tell you might be one thing, but then again you're not sure if they know the situation as well as you ah.

In short, uncertainty. Been like this for awhile now.. I am seriously confused mannn~ I NEED A PROFESSIONAL'S HELP ARGH!!!!

Adp from the future here, 6/9/17 to be exact. Uncertainty stjll exists even ar the age of 25, but its probably a little different since i don't rly remember having anything important to think about when i was young hahah!

Forever is over

Was just looking back at the messages on my old phone and saw those old messages that she sent to me.. Telling me that I deserve her love and how afraid she was to lose my love.. Looking back now, Im sure you have definately regretted this process.. I realised the one thing that I've always been trying to tell myself I am not.

I'm a rotten bastard.

ADP from the future here! (The pic isn't me tho that's shermane! :D). Anyway yeah as you grow older you realize that sometimes you end up becoming the things that you hate, that you be that hero in every scenario. I guess that's normal isn't it? After all, we are all born sinners and it's natural to have flaws. This blog post was made probably after I broke up with my first girlfriend Sofia. I'm such an asshole back then but I guess feelings can't be forced? Her parents were indeed right, I was too young to take up such a responsibility and now I have to carry the burden of breaking some young girls heart back when I was 17. Hopefully i won't ever make that mistake again and my children will also be better than that! :) (ADP 19/5/16)

Lame.

I am afraid of the day you give your heart, soul, and body to another guy which you would love so much.. AHHHH!!!!!

Hahaha omg I'm such a retarded kid last time! Of course it's normal for a person who is in love to give all this to their other half, I'm such a fucking child man. Sigh, although this is a legit concern there's nothing much anyone can do about it yea? Looking at all these old blog posts sometimes just makes me wna facepalm myself hahah (ADP 19/5/16)

Changing body clock failed.

So in love with the "Man who cant be moved" song, so easy to relate to sia! Though I didnt exactly meet her at a corner though. I'm not moving~~ I'm not moving~~~~~

I have always believed in karma(Did i spell this correctly?), and now i believe in it even more.. Karma karma.. Things you do, good or bad, always comes back to you huh. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, its almost impossible to avoid the outcome. I will continue working hard. Move at my pace, but however, my heart just keeps rushing me, I dont wanna turn into some scary, irritating motherfucker, thats the last thing I'd want to become in your impression. Really.

Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my head, saying, if you see this girl, will you tell her where I am?

I've realised something, nowadays whenever I blog about something, its mostly due to the fact that I cant fall asleep. Which sucks cos I wish I could be like some people, or maybe, like how I used to be, fall asleep as and when I want to. Now its just plain hard. Its Karma I tell ya, Karma.

I see people around me experiencing similar pain as well as me, some for lost love, some for love which cannot be obtained, and some for those really really complicated cases. Nonetheless, pain is pain. I wouldnt say I'm experiencing pain ah, But its just this really shag feeling you have inside of you, wanting to push forward but dont know how and not willing to back out now. Stuck in the middle, like how when you eat a super spicy mega mcspicy and couldnt take the heat halfway and ran out of water, not knowing wanting to throw it away cos it'd be a waste. If only it could be as simple as just forcing yourself to finish that MegaMcSpicy..

I'm amazed at myself for once, I have always been the kind who gets going when the going gets tough. But not this time, perhaps this is because this is more important that anything I've came by so far? If only it was like a sport where you can improve and "level up" if you just put in enough efforts. This isn't. This is about two person. Which sucks.

Ranting ranting ranting is all I could do. To people when they're available and to this little online diary when everyone's asleep. Just randomly wondering, if another "me" was ranting to me about this kind of shit everyday, I would probably be ignoring him and start changing topics. I wish I had a chance to show you just how much I would treasure you really. Its impossible for you though. And I guess that just cant be forced sometimes cos I know how it feels to not be able to "reciprocate" a person's feelings, no matter how much they did for you.

Whoever(Most probably nobody) is reading this, mark my words, if one day you find someone who loves you just as much as you love him/her, never ever let em go. Cos you really dont know how hard it just is to find two person who are on the same "frequency" as each other. Harder than finding a needle in a haystack I tell ya. *whistles at my own command of english*

I-cant-get-the-fuck-over-you.

I'm happy you're not going to Cambodia though, cos it really sounds lik a dangerous and tedious place to be, singapore's good okay! Boring at times but ah la, you made the right choice bimbo! =D

Time check: Close to 3am. Oh, look how much I've failed in "sleeping early", well, its morning how anyway, so I guess sleeping now might just count as "sleeping early"?

Have Global Citizenship on tomorrow. Looking forward to crapping lots lots with those people, I hope I manage to tire myself out tomorrow! So i can finally have a good night's rest. :) God I need some liqour to make myself fall asleep man seriously.

Are you sleeping soundly now? Good. :)

Shall I get you a really really big soft toy from Hainan? You already have so many but none from me. :( Would make-up do? Wow, I'm so gonna drink my life away when I'm at Hainan so that I wont have the temptation to go crazy and call you from overseas mann~

BE MINE!!!! I'm going crazyyyy!!! Help help help!!!

Note to self: Buy sensodyne for her so that she can eat ice cream with me! :D

Adp from the future here! It's 2016 now and my main reason for blogging it still mostly due to insomnia. I actually can't remember who I was referring to in this blog post which probably meant that this isn't as important as it sounds? Hahaha. Global Citizenship was really fun though! Had an awesome time at Hainan, till today I still sometimes look back and think of the simpler days back in poly/Hainan. 

Laptop's burning my tummy.

3 days straight in a row serial dramas.. Hais.. Nwadays you are getting smarter and smarter le ah, you know that acting angry instead of running away would be more effective in asking me to stop poking you le Huhh.. Smart girl. :)

Omg I'm quite sure this post was referring to shi Li back in those poly days where I would disturb her! She's really patient though! That's her on my right! Still rmb that day everyone was dressed so glamly except for me who jogged all the way over to the karaoke haha, still a fun day though! (ADP, 19/5/2016)

Bored outta mah skull

Somehow Mr.Brightside seems to remind me of Joesph, perhaps it was cos he introduced me to this song in the first place? Nice song though

I just cant look, its killing mee~ And taking controll~

Later going off to meet Yiling at Nicol's house, that bastard's still working now sia, gotta wait till at least 5.30 when he ends work, and god knows what time till he reaches home. AHHH IM FRICKIN BORED!!! Wonder if I'll be really able to quit this time round.. hmm..

Ok ShiLi's online, time for taiti!

Adp from the future here! Oh man taiti online with friends was super fun last time la! Such a good way to kill time and play simple games with your friends at the same time! Doubt anyone my age still plays that anymore though.. I'm glad I'm still close to Yiling, Nicol, and ShiLi even at this age! Good friends are hard to come by man and they're awesome! :D (ADP, 19/5/2015)

Oh fudge!

This is going to be yet another frickin wordy rant of boredom from Mister ADP himself. :) No one's probably going to read this, but I'm still going to pretend they do anyways. ;)

On my com everyday with a bit of changes made to my com. -.- Antivirus apparently isnt working very well.. Ohwells, at least the "unability to access MSN" was a false alarm ah, just needed to update then can le!

Its frickin 5.12 now in the morning, and I cant frickin sleep, insomnia's getting worse and worse. Shit happens to me more and more each day too, some were just caused by my own worries (cannot help one leh.), others are more to misunderstandings ba? End of the day, everything's cool, but still left a bad taste in your mouth. Always sucks when you dont get to see the full picture of things ah.

Sometimes people tend to choose the hard way out of life. I seriously feel like an asshole sometimes for making you cry.. I know what I did will not be reversed by me because the feelings have long faded, leaving me only with yet another bad taste in my mouth for hurting someone that liked me so much.

During nights like this when no one's there to accompany me, I start to think about the things I lost, the things I've gained, and also the things I've attempted to gain but however failed miserably.. I start to think about the past, the present, and attempt to visualise my future.

I remember the times I spend with just Nicol and Seyen, the times I spend alone with Lovell and James at the bedok reservior, the times me and the "brothers 5" would just hang aroun at the voiddeck playing ice and water even when we're already 16 years old.. Things that might not seem that long ago if you really count by the years, but still, alot of things happen everyday, new memories does not replace the ones I have, but however it did make them seem like they happened ages ago. If i were to think even further, I would be back in the past when I was just a brat drawing neopet comics with Hidhir. Or even before that when I was just pretending to be an ultraman and hitting other kids really hard because "good guys always beat the bad guys."

I am happy with the life I have lead till now, I have met too many awesome people that if I listed them all down here, you guys might have to find some time finding your names. Rest assured friends, bros and sis, you guys each have played a major role in my life. And I wont ever forget you even if we might not spend much time together anymore as we did before.

Ah, since I'm so bored, I guess I'll just list down those people whom I havent hung out with in a LONG LONG TIME.

Hmm... Tan Ying Chuan! Yes you bimbo! You ah! So long never hang out with you le sia! Last time we can like sit down at playground or anywhere and just talk our lives away until one of us checks them timing, hais.. meet up soon and slack leh! I know your reasons for not joining us nowadays ah, I apologise on my friend's behalf. He's always that hot-blooded one. Crazy. But still, really hope to meet up and talk cock soon yo! Gotta catch up le really! First on the list leh! Honoured not?

Muzakir and Haidar! Sorry for not being able to hang out with you guys when you guys always ask me out, understandable if you guys do get a little pissed behind my back ah really. But still, do meet up one day and crap alright? =) I didnt add Haziq here because I see him all the time in school, I seriously miss your jokes and shit sia, you guys are one of the craziest fuckers I've seen in my life! I like you guys! Not scared to do those childish childish things one! =)) Just what I need for a little "childhood relief". ;) Lepak soon ah!

ok time check again. 5.37am. TMD I STILL CANNOT FUCKING SLEEP!!

Almost forgot about Choo Zhi Yong, this guy, is probably one of the few friends I had while I was in secondary 2, my taekwondo friend. I've never regretted joining Taekwondo for that period of time cos of you bro! Although I did not really find what I learnt useful, the company and time spent with you was still really super awesome! Miss those days where we would just ride bike all the way to the dont know what swimming pool and waste our lives away while we both skipped lessons, or when we both came in late and had to do punishements together, where did you get posted to? Ahh.. perhaps I'll ask you about it someday when I meet you again or on msn ba? ah deh ah, although I havent met you for perhaps close to a year le, you still bothered to ask me out of Halloween and Christmas that time, really sorry I couldnt make it man.

Hyder! Havent seen you in ages too, the last pathnership we did on Atheneus together although didnt last long cos of my "bossiness" i believe, was still a fun and enjoyable experience ah, you and I were definately not two peas in a pod. More like polar opposites. But we still managed to become great pals someway or another, probably cos of our common interest in bullshitting and drawing those neopets comics I guess? Hows Silat coming along? You still haven't shown me how much you've improved mann.. Meet up soon! Let me kick your ass k? And for christ's sake update your blog! I do read it from time to time you know punk?

Life's been really hectic and it's really times like this I realised that I have really been neglecting too many awesome pals already. What can I do? There's only 24 hours a day and one of me. But I promise you guys man! I will defiantely hang out with you when I have the time! You guys are fine on your own I'm sure, but a good "long time no see!" would definately be another good memory for us to think back when we're old someday yeah?

Oh yeah! Valerie Ngor Jia Ying!! TMD!! Although we did meet up quite recently but you had to go attend to your "other half" halfway through ah, although we didnt really spend much time alone together, I dont know why I suddenly miss you too, as in, the old you, one with the long hair and stuff yeah? I'm sorry I wasn't able to show much care for you when you were down and stuff because you already had someone to confide in. But really, I have always wanted to be there and lend you a listening ear! If only you didnt mind of cos. Dont brood too much on those relationship stuff ah! For me right, being in a relationship is to be happy de, if you're not happy, whats the point? Right? =)) Also remembered wanting to bring you to church and hopefully make your life a happier one, but I guess sometimes shit happens huh? LITTLE MISS SEET COME AND HAVE A HTHT WITH ME SOME DAY LEH! I STEADY BOM BI BI WONT MIND ONE REALLY! =DD Try my consultance~ I'm gooodddd~ ;) We've really changed alot throughout these years huhh..

Life just keeps getting better and better, even up till now, I am blessed with more and more steady people along the way, like Sean, Houman, Yongjie, Nicholas, Adam, Zul... blah blah blah blah blah.. I am a blessed boy! =DD

Blogging about things that are unrelated about you definately did make my mind get off that topic for a while, but apparently i guess sometimes it just comes all back when you're done huh? I really go speechless when I wanna talk about you, I dont know why. You know sometimes I worry about the smallest things you do? Like when you get abit sian I worried that you might find me irritating, when you get irritated at me poking you I am afraid that you might just burst out and scream at me? I am afraid when you tell me you'll be fine on your own home. I am afraid of you not doing well when you go for tests, I dont know how to help you when I hear you just bruised yourself or even when you are down with diarhhea(ah that one, I just disturb only, make things fun mah!). Disturbing you nowadays to me is just another way of me getting a hyped up response from you, I dont care i you find me childish or whatever, I just wanna hear your laughter and see your smile. As long as you're not REALLY angry with me inside, everything's cool. :)

Okay! Another timecheck, frickin 5.58 now. Botak just talked to me.. hmm..

ADP from the future here! Oh wow this is a pretty embarrassing post huh especially the last part? Me and Ying chuan are hanging out a lot more nowadays tho thanks to mahjong and poker hahaha.. still kinda miss Zhi Yong and Haidar they all.. Oh well! My exams are ending soon! Hopefully I'll have time for them then? Until next time! (ADP, 14/4/16)

A milli a milli a milli a milli

I wanna stop being aggressive.
I wanna quit pockey. I really do
I wanna stop cursing.
I want my holidays to come soon!
I wanna stop always taking out my shirt. (But hey, weather's really hot la!)
I wish i knew what to do.
I wish i knew how to make this all right.
I wish i had put in MUCH more effort.
I wish this time round someone would tell me what can I really do instead of me always helping others out.

Bah, what'm i saying. -.-

ADP from the future here! Even in the year 2015 there are still a few things in this lis that I wish I could so, but I guess when it comes to relationships it's hard to discard some bad habits huh! At least now I don't take my shirt off anywhere I go hahaha! (8/12/15)

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you~

Back again to post, currently waiting for Adam to get done over his dont know what stuff before we can begin viwawa-ing.

Life's been fairly good~ Got my MOS movie done filming and now I'm left with ANP, MMP1, and NMT! =DD Looks like alot right? Dont worry ah dont worry, very fast can finish one. :)

Sean once told me long ago, "Eh DP, ever wondered what if one day, whatever you say or do, you wont be able to make that girl smile or laugh?". Wow, funny why I would suddenly remember this line huh..

When you see the girl you like laughing at your friends' jokes, dont you feel a little shag? Sucky feeling isn't it? Nowadays I'm afraid that I would sudddenly just run out of "bullshit" to talk about. Because that would me that I'm not interesting anymore, and would probably also mean that it would be harder for us to talk from now on.

Okay peeps I know I'm not making any sense in my post, but hey, this is MY blog! =D

Damn man, I type so long liao those pbks still havent got done with their stuff yet. -.- I think I'll go ask Melvin for a 1 on 1 taiti first, ciaos! =D

Adp from the future here, the lady in the picture is Lam's ex, Maggie :) Oh man viwawa was so popular back in those days hahaha! It will indeed be a scary day if the girl I love won't be able to smile uh. Thank god Im fairly funny haha at least I'm over the part where I'm afraid to run outta bullshit! Still good friends with mel till this day tho! He owes me 104 bucks haha (20/2/2015)

http://www.womenssportsfoundation.org/Content/Research-Reports/Go-Out-and-Play.aspx
http://www.naysi.com/
http://www.northamericanyouthsports.org/

Adp from there future here! I don't even know what this post was about back then but it was probably posted there to save the info uh. So silly hahaha. Anyway the girl in the photo was just some sporty girl I used to like back then. Didn't work out though cos she was still hung up on her ex. But then again she was kinda young so it's cool I guess? (20/2/2016)

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Hey Hey! DP's here to blog again! Amazing huh? So quick another update come le! Well.. the reason is because I'm currently at my grandmother's house which has a screwed up internet, and that means I cannot access my facebook or anything online regarding that matter, so here I am, typing in OpenOffice and pasting it into my blog the next time I come online. Life without internet is really inconvenient now that I think about it. Other than my phone, internet's the next thing that keeps me company when I canot fall asleep at night, and tonight happened to be a realllllyyyy lonely night..

Currently listening to “Mr Brightside” by The Killers now, a really nice meaningful song, its about this guy who finds out that his girl is having an affair and how much it hurts inside him watching his loved one making love with another man. Well, I'm glad i've never had an experience like that nor did I do anything even close to an affair before. I'm a holy man yo! 8)

I just cant look, It's killing me~ And taking control~

My bestie Hyder's started blogging again! Woo! Really really happy to see him doing that, his posts always have a certain “depth” to it, love reading it yeah! I forgot to relink him though, gonna ask him the next time. ;)

Life's been hectic, hanging out with friends all day long but I aint complaining, though I really am neglecting my studies a little though, precisely why starting monday, I'm going to chiong my projects and everything with anyone that's willing to join me! Any takers? This might be your one and only chance to see ADP rushing his work oh! =D
Went to Sean's house to do “project” today, and ended up playing this private maple server which was kinda fun, grinding sucks, but I guess having the company of friends doing the same thing with you makes everything better. After that, went to makan at Techno with Nick, Choonwei and Sean. Some retarded shit happened at Sean's house, but aint gonna elaborate more about that. Well, today's been a pretty simple day, hanging out having fun and stuff like that, sorry to Lovell, James, and Val for not being able to join your programes today! Another day I promise! =DD

He takes of her dress now~ Let me go~

Still repeating Mr.Brightside on my computer, you guys should really go and listen to it if you have the time, its really really good! Credits to Andy for sending it to me! =)) I like songs like this which has a story and a meaning behind it.

Dun from the future here! Funny how I used hectic to describe my life when it's just spending time with friends everyday haha! I'm glad to say that I'm still pretty close with Sean till today though.  And as for Andy well.. he's kinda dead to me. (20/2/15)