Too good

My girlfriend is really a kind person. I would never have imagined her to be like that when I first knew her.

When I first knew Shermane I knew she was a smart girl, and somehow I thought that smart people would have no qualms lying about things. Well, not lying as in perpetually lying. But lying in the sense that she would not mind saying a white lie or two at times to ease awkwardness or something.

I strongly believe that my girlfriend is someone who is incapable of lying. Back when we were playing town of salem, my girlfriend felt bad about lying to the fellow online players about her role even though it was necessary for her to win. She also felt bad about collaborating with me to troll other players because it's against the rules. Eventually she stopped playing town of salem afterwards as she felt too guilty. This came as a surprise to me though, I have always assumed that normal players would not mind telling a lie or two since its all in the spirit of the game. But even my girlfriend couldn't do it.

There are other instances too that further proves my point, but I am glad that Shermane is like that :)

Oh yeah two days ago my sq friends came over to celebrate my birthday early under the guise of a late Christmas celebration. It was fun! Will probably upload the rest of the photos slowly with each post.

Addicted to mcdelivery

I just ordered mcdelivery again although I'm kinda sleepy. I'm not even doing it for the monopoly game now or anything. :(

Pls send help lol.

I think Shermane is a little mad at me cos I tod her I didn't wanna go to city hall just to accompany her to meet her carousell buyer :( OMG but I'm feeling rly lazy. Dammit.

I think I'm falling sick.

Had a great meal at captain k today with Shermane's family. But I feel really weird after, firstly, my left middle finger started to have really weird pains whenever I stretched it. Shermane told me it's because I sprained my being, which is really weird because it has never happened to me before.. Reached home, was lethargic asf although I only woke up around 3pm.

So I went to sleep, but got woken up by my full bladder :( and I'm still awake now at 3am although my body is still strangely exhausted.

Did I got stung by an aedes or something? I really don't wanna fall sick around Christmas period though..

I really need to take care of my body tho I still have a long way to go with Shermane. 

317th day

Today marks the 317th of me and Shermane being together, it's not a special occasion, we didn't even meet today, but I am just surprised that 317 days passed by in the blink of an eye haha.

Im meetibg her and her family tomorrow, and likely going to play mahjong at woodlands afterwards. Omg overnight mahjong at woodlands is frickin crazy I tell ya. I remember leaving Shermane's aunt's condo in the early morning, wanting nothing more than a good bathe and some sleep, it was kinda fun though!

Today is a kinda boring day hahaha.. Having a little regret that I registered for muay thai but am unable to commit :( oh well we learn from mistakes I guess

Can't wait to see these peeps on the 27th!

I got an early birthday present!

So it seems like insomnia has abruptly crept back into my life again for some weird reason. Which would be fine if I wasn't supposed to meet Shermane in 6 hours time.

Guess I'm gonna exhaust myself a little with some overwatch farming! Can't wait to open my birthday present with Shermane tomorrow hohoho!!

So my mama just came back from penang  few weeks back and I'll be travelling to kukup at the start of 2017. Guess my time to nua is running out huh.

Overslept for 1215pm muay thai hahah

It's the start of a new week and no updates about the job from yongjie except for the fact that he gave me his word weeks back that it's going down. I can't help but admit that I am getting a little paranoid. What if he forgot? What if he gave me a lesser pay than I was promised?

I really should go look for a job on my own as well just in case he really fucks me up. However, I have already given my word that I won't look for any other jobs. I guess it's still too early to text and rush him since its only the start of December?

I wonder if Shermane is making her way over now since I wasn't able to meet her at Clarke Quay 😅

So I just enrolled myself into a fight gym

Like those gyms where they teach you muay thai, boxing, and stuff yknow? Man how long has it been since I've picked up martial arts? 8 years?

Woke up today with aches on both my hands and legs. Kind of a bad feeling but it's fine. I secretly hope that Shermane will be too sore to wanna go for classes today since I told her that I would leave the decision to her.

Going to meet my lecturer in about 2 hours time! No idea what's in stall but I guess that's what makes it kinda interesting? I kinda wna go back to sleep though.

I think enrolling in  fight gym is a smart choice tho! Since I'm getting so fat it's showing through my cheeks urgh.

To all the sad people out there.

Grief is a scary thing. It makes a smart man irrational, and a stupid one stupider. While some try to stay logical and focus on tasks that are within their control, others turn to other methods like alcohol, gambling, and excessive companionship. So excessive that if you do not respond to their requests quick enough, or well enough, they'd assume you do not care for them. It's sort of like the manifestation off all their insecurities suddenly all decided to appear and fuck you right in the behind for something you thought was trivial. Which might come as a surprise for many; because since when was your presence so sacred that if you did not attend, you'd ruin someone else's day/mood?

People in grief tend to pity themselves, a lot. They believe that the world around them should cut them some slack and shower them with the care and concern that the very much so lack. However, the harsh reality of the matter is typically the opposite. While friends do bother to listen to your grievances and stories and offer a listening ear of solutions, they cannot be around you all the time when you call for it. And in truth, no one owes you anything, not even if your husband is in jail or if you found out recently that you got cheated on. To this I say, be grateful to the ones who are around. But to condemn those who aren't, that's a stupid way of measuring something as intangible as friendship. No one will pity you like how you're pitying yourself. And it's for the best that you realize it as quickly as possible and work out the things you can still change in your life instead of crying/fretting over spilt milk.

And no, I'm not in grief, nothing sad happened to me it's just an observation I'm making from my encounters with my secondary school friends.

All in all, I think it's healthier to just treasure what you have instead of blaming people around you for the things that they did not provide for you. I'm sure we will all be happier people this way. 

Phobia

Although I did manage to get my drivers license, I'm far from being even an average driver. My new job however requires me to drive daily. I really hope God can somehow be kind of me an bless me with safe trips for the rest of my life.

I swear the commuters on bus 222 are just weird asf.

Transitioning from a student to a working member  of society next year. Let's hope 2017 will be kind to me :)

So blogspot just suggested me to blog in Malay..

Lol like wtf? Does the surname Ang look like an Islamic surname? Maybe it's because I haven't logged in in awhile so that's why blogger is being a little weird on me haha..

Anyway, life's been good. But weirdly enough my body clock has mysteriously resented itself. Which could be good since I'm likely gg to start work on 5th jan as long as yongjie doesn't suddenly bail on me..

Nowadays. I spend my mornings on the Internet wasting away my life of multiple games. And somehow it just feels fricking great. Weird I know. Being a bum is oddly addictive.

Well my fingers are getting tired. Till next time!

My life is pretty perfect right now. If only I'd stop getting fatter and fatter hahaha.

Holiday week 2

Time really flies by when you're enjoying yourself, I'm not even kidding.

My holidays now consist of hanging out with friends, taking odd jobs, spending hours on the Internet, and sleeping. It's bloody awesome. Dad told me that I shouldn't slack off too much though, I might get used to it. But the truth is I already am used to it hahaha.

Let's just hope my exams results turn out okay so I can finally step into the working life, slacking off like this may be fun and all but I ain't getting any younger :(

Girlfriends semester is ending soon too! 

Habits

Today is finally the end of all my projects. And it is also the first day I begin my revision for all my upcoming tests. Didn't work out very well though since I literally spend 70% of today playing dota with zakir and haidar. But I guess I'm not doing that bad seeing that most of my schoolmates barely began as well hahha.

Yesterday I spent my night hanging out with Sean and Melvin. Brings back certain memories really. They were shocked that me and Shermane were already talking about marriage though, although they are both currently in longer relationships than i am they never rly talked about things like that. But I don't think I'm rushing it though? I don't say this often online because I don't think there's a need to but I really do love this girl (I still have much to learn though). Isn't it normal to wanna marry someone you love? 😅

Anyway, exams are almost over.  And I know Shermane can't wait to get to "happier days" as well. Guess we'll both just have to slog it out till November huh!

This was the first photo shermane took with my new phone. It's kinda pretty isn't it? Maybe it's because I see it almost every week I forget how beautiful it looks from someone else's point of view.

Schools out

So yesterday was me and Shermane's 8th month. It also marks my official last day of classes (if I don't fail any mods that is.) Now all that's left is one proj and four papers nd I'm good to go! Seriously can't wait for my project to be over so I can go full on mugger mode again. Well not really, but the thought of having all the time in the world to myself until result arrive after my papers is pretty enticing. All I have to ensure now is that my results won't be disappointing hahah

I know this isn't exactly a glam picture of you but I'm really glad you came into my life this year. Let's work hard together to survive the rest of 2016! 😆😆😆

Two projects and four papers to go

It's been awhile since I've last visited this place. Been kinda busy with my schoolwork although that's coming to an end soon too.

I'm already starting to plan my itinerary on what happens after my last paper ends. Oh gosh there's so many things I want to do but I guess they'll have to wait.

Really thankful that God has been kind to me this week. Thinking back, a lot of things has changed just one year ago hasn't it? I've made so many new friends, found myself a loving girl, and I even got to learn to many new things! I really hope 2017 continues to be awesome till the end hohoho!!

Who knows? Maybe one day I'll look back and actually miss the days where I took naps in empty classrooms.

Half a semester left

There's only half a semester left to go, yet I still somehow am unable to get my head in the game.

For some weird reason, I have somehow managed to survive my SM test despite barely knowing much about that subject, or any other subject for that matter.


I'll be having my b2b test next Tuesday, and somehow I get so stressed out every time I try to study I decide to play overwatch instead. Urgh. Seriously I just want this hell to end quickly so that I can go on to do things that makes me happy :(

Also, there's this zika virus thing going around on the east side. Sighh.. Guess the following months ain't gonna be easy huh.

Cowardly thoughts

Everyday, for the past few days I keep reminding myself that "this too shall pass." "I need to overcome this in order to take care of the ones I love." "I am stronger than this."

It's interesting really. How half a semester managed to shatter all the confidence I've garnered so far the moment i set foot into RMIT. Have I lost my steel? Am I too drawn to distractions that I have forgotten what it was like to be under stress?

It is a few hours away from my first test this semester. It's only 15% of one of my modules but somehow I feel inclined to perform well for this one but whenever I start reading my notes, my mind just drifts off to someplace else. Somewhere more comforting, somewhere where I can continue hiding in my little bubble of thoughts. Game of thrones, pokemon go, overwatch.. Cowardly, distraction thoughts and activities appear at every corner when the going gets tough huh.

I have to bear through this. And not only do I have to do it I have to do well. Because there's no room for failure this time, not when I'm on my final lap before I graduate from here.

I can't believe the "phonecall sleep therapy" didn't help me this time around. Someone please save me from my insomnia.  

My shoulder is popping again.

Was about to fall asleep after a night of studying when I suddenly felt a light "pop" on my left shoulder when I moved it. This seemingly random action brought me back to a certain time when I truly enjoyed my days in school. Granted, i wasn't enjoying the parts about studying. But I had a great time with the friends I made back then.

I remember how a bunch of us would stay back in school till it got dark to play block catching. We would find nice hiding spots to avoid being detected by the "catchers" instead of running from them most of the time though. The best spots were the ones where you could have a good view of your surroundings without them actually spotting you; when you find a spot like that, you'd normally witness some funny events like your friend running for his dear life while a horde of catchers chase after him as if he was carrying a billion dollars.

I remember how I was so fond of climbing back then. And that was also how I "sprained" my shoulder. Not from falling from a great height, but by holding on to some railings wrongly while I was trying to vault up a staircase.

Ah, I really miss those days where my biggest worries in school were about when I was gonna get caught by catchers instead of project deadlines and tests. On hindsight, I believe that I've never really had to work hard for anything up till now. But this semester is different, it's definitely the hardest semester I ever have to go through, and yet somehow my head still isn't fully in the game. Time to put in a little more effort I guess. Then I can rest all I want after that :)

I have a good life, with more resources than some of my peers. But ultimately my lazy attitude is going to be the death of me.

Why do all the rare pokemon seem to evade me so well?

Okay so it's been a week since pokemon go is released in Singapore and I'm embarrassed to say that I've been putting more effort into that than my projects for the last leg of my semester. Shame on me.

On the bright side, I'm a little more spurred to complete my projects now due to the deadlines coming in closer and closer. Which is a terrible shame really because I rly want to catch Pokemon with my friends and play overwatch all day long.

Life's good when you don't have responsibilities huh. Buck up Dun Ping.

Yeah so my mum asked me to pose with her for this Merrion thing down at bedok mall. A little embarrassing but hey, whatever mum says right? :)

Why insomnia now? :(

Tonight I'm laying next to you and listening to your breaths. It's kinda serene really, camp must have taken a lot out of you huh..

I wish I could fall asleep too but I'm just not sleepy enough :(

This is what happens when you don't sleep for the entire night and have school early in the morning the next day.

Old dog

In a few hours from now there's a high chance that I might finally be retiring my Samsung Note 3 and get a phone that's actually fit for usage. I feel a little sad though, my Note 3 has served me well for the better half of my national service, which I consider the worst period of my life.

Without Note 3, I would never have been able to watch videos that weren't in mp4 format in camp, or squint to look at my screen. Life would've been worse. It sounds funny but this phone really did improve my quality of life! Even just for a little bit.

I remember when I first received my note 3, I have never owned a phone so large before, it almost felt kinda dangerous if I put it in my pocket as it could fall out anytime. And transitioning from an apple product to an android wasn't easy as some functions were vastly different. Thank god it was easy to get a hang of it. I was super proud to have that phone back then, the images seemed clearer, the functionalities were less restricted compared to an iPhone, and the best part is the battery life was super long, which is almost I have never experienced before prior to using the Note 3.

About three years have passed now, my phone has weathered through many events with me, from broken screens to charging ports (which I replaced like twice so far?), I never gave up on it, solely because I was too used to having it around and that it truly was a comfortable journey despite a few minor hiccups like my GPS not being able to detect my location in the midst of my phone's lifespan. I've watched countless movies and TV series on this phone, and it has accompanied me on countless trips to various parts of Asia, and as I'm typing this it really feels harder and harder to say goodbye. It's weird being sentimental to a phone I know.

I can feel my note 3 dying, the GPS can't even detect my location anymore, my phone hangs for a little while whenever I type too fast, and apps close themselves when overused. The charging port has been recently fixed and yet as I'm blogging this, my phone is slowly dropping from 8% to 5% despite it being charged for about 30 minutes now. The problems seem harder and harder to ignore. It really is time to say goodbye to this old dog.

I can only hope my new phone can bring me half the joy that you have bought me, and if phones have a soul, I hope I'll see you in heaven someday. Where all old phones can reunite with their masters and spend the remaining of eternity browsing 9gag and social media and watch films day in day out. But for now, it truly is farewell.

Au revior my faithful companion, I shall lay you down to charge for one last time now until I head down to the singtel shop tomorrow. You have been loyal and forgiving to me, and it's time for you to rest.

On a side note, the girlfriend is pretty mad that I went ahead and had a tattoo done without her being around. I can only hope she forgives me soon and understand that I am going through a time of grief right now for my Note 3.

Why do people not know how to get onto the objective in overwatch?

So I just fucked up my body clock majorly by sleeping at 10am yesterday.. now I'm wide awake at 6am and I'm not even frickin surprised. I think I'm falling sick soon tho :/

Really need to buck up on my uni studies soon man. It's the final bound and yet somehow I feel rly burned out before local lectures even start. And my teammates are a little clueless too.. Urgh, seriously I rly prefer working than this crap. Maybe I'll feel differently next time when I start work.

I can only hope my body clock can reset itself back to normal sleeping hours on Tuesday though, if not I'm royally fucked.

Although I'm always ranting on this blog the truth is I'm really blessed compared to many of my peers. Guess humans really are insatiable huh.

I must be content with what I have

When it comes to game of thrones I have to admit that I'm a laggard, being stuck at half of season 5 when season 6 recently ended. A pretty amazing show so far I must say, it leaves you with a lot of thoughts about how the situation in the show would change if only a certain character did ir did not do something. Like, when if Bran never saw Cersei and Kingslayer doing it?

I'm actually somehow more grateful of the place I live in now when I watch game of thrones, where the rich and the poor had such a huge margin that people are dying left right and center, no matter whether you're a high born or not. At least the standard of living in Singapore is pretty fine :)

On a side note, I really want more tattoos hahaha

Last week of visiting lectures is finally over, time for the real shit to begin. 

Weird rants about a weird memory

Sometimes on nights like this a memory from a distant past would pop into my head, and it got me thinking: What would I do if I met a person an old friend of mine (whom I've lost contact with) really hate?

Well that has actually happened when I was in polytechnic, I met this dude who seemed pretty nice, until I remembered that his name was a little familiar. I was sure that I have never met him before. After conversing for awhile, I finally figured out that this guy was someone my friend Benjamin accused of hitting on his girlfriend at work. Which came to me as a little bit if a shock as the person I met whom I've kinda hit it off with would actually be such a scumbag, knowingly hit on a man's girl even though he knew they were attached. Ben got really upset back then and I as his friend, got upset at this dude I never knew too.

What did I do? Nothing too extreme really, instead of socking him right there or berating him in public for his actions towards my friend, I asked him what actually happened then. It felt wrong to get mad at a stranger when you guys hit it off pretty well just moments ago. Turns out, it really was him! He explained that it was a misunderstanding and he was just making friendly conversation and my friend did not take it too kindly. Which kinda made sense because I know what sort of person Benjamin was like too.

At this point it wasn't really about if I should trust his words (bear in mind that me and Benjamin has lost contact for awhile), but whether would it be right if I took "revenge" on his behalf after so many years, since he and his girlfriend back then has already broke up as well and I know he would never be grateful for what I would have done as Ben and I never truly close although we hung out everyday. I decided to play it safe, excused myself and go talk to someone else. If I couldn't help Ben, the least I could do was to not form a bond with this guy.

Today when I look back, I feel like I have done the right thing. At the end of the day I feel that loyalty correlates strongly to the degree of friendship you and someone else has, if Ben was never going to be grateful fornwhat i did and we weren't close, i should not feel that bad. But i somehow cant help but ponder, if one day this happened again but to someone closer to me, would I do what I did back then?

Sorry for the long post, surprisingly me and Melvin still remain pretty close (at least that's what I think) despite knowing him about the same time I knew Ben. It's random but I'm glad to have friends that ive known for half my life and more :)

24

I'm 24 years old this year. Damn that's old. 

Everyday when we browse our social media, we come across countless stories of youths doing amazing stuff, and if you're like me, you'd take a step back and look at yourself and wonder why are they able to accomplish such feats while I'm here, unable to even wake up on time for school or work at times? Is it truly talent? Or hard work?

Well I know for sure that I am neither talented or hardworking, so maybe its my just desserts that I'm mediocre af. But what about the people I know who are actually striving to better themselves? Why do they appear so mediocre too? I wish I had an answer for that. Maybe it's just that their time hasn't come yet I suppose.

We live in a world where our culture is to share our accomplishments to our community as soon as we achieve something, big or small. It's pretty darn narcissistic in my opinion, and I blame social media for that. People are exposed to great things online, they witness amazing feats done by amazing invididuals, and some of us get inspired enough to do the same thing. And that's good, but I believe that our generation is too eager to receive recognition for their "above average" work. Like when you take a mediocre picture with a good camera and edit it to look "pleasing" you get so filled with pride that you decide to upload it online, throw in a buncha hashtags, and then start to low-key fish for compliments. I won't state examples here, but those who know what I'm saying knows what I'm saying.

Wow, my train of thought went a little off today huh. But I digress, perhaps it's better to attempt and "show off" your accomplishments than to stay a pleb like me who hasn't rly done anything significant with his life. Well, to each their own I suppose. At the end of the day, what matters is that we do what pleases us before its too late no?

Haven't seen Eve and Shi Li in awhile since we took this photo earlier this year. Hope they're doing fine :)

Final semester

School has started for two weeks now, but I'm still in such a holiday mood. This week I learn that some people are just better at some things while some are doomed to suck at it. Yeah I'm talking about myself. I might be better at some modules in my school, or talking, or gambling. But there are some talents that seem normal for people but are srsly hard for me. And it's better for me to stay that way than to impede the people around me in hopes to better that skill.

Gotta get my head in the game soon man. Quite angry at myself that I haven't been taking classes seriously enough. And the worst part is I've been told this semester's modules are all crazy hard.

Thanks for always sticking around even when I'm feeling like shit honey, sorry that I like to tease you so much too. It's fun though! I'll work harder so you won't be stuck with a useless bum for a husband in the future alright?

First week of skul

So school has officially reopened. I kinda miss my hols and working at tampines though.. Travelling to Dover is really a huge bitch I swear..

So recently I went to Malaysia for a half day trip with my uni friends, pretty fun I'd say, at one point the group split into two to head towards taman sentosa for dinner but we alighted at different spots and waited for each other for like an hour before we all finally gathered. Pretty relaxing trip if you ask me. But I was so sleepy throughout the entire "adventure".

Not really motivated for school yet. But I guess I'm kinda happy to see my friends again after a while? Sigh if only I could have like another week of holiday or something :/ Also, I've had a total of 4 macdonalds burger today. I srsly need to jog man maybe my colleagues will be more available next week?

Went to escape room again. Didnt solve the "puzzle" in time though. Man the people who made these are rly smart!

Hectic days ahead

July has proved to be a fairly arduous week from the get-go. Although reservist wasn't tough or anything, it robbed me of the one week break that I wanted pretty bad before school reopens. And liangyi just told me sth about there being projects due on the first week of some module. Like whattttt.. Tbh I kinda miss my part time job already. At least the work was acceptable and the office was really close to home :) Being in a faraway place from home just somehow makes everything such like way worse I guess?

Well whatever, guess I'll just have to push through this week first and take each coming week as it comes. Not that all these is going to kill me or anything. I guess the good part about going back into camp is to let you realize what it's like to take the everyday things around you for granted. I'm lucky enough to have loyal friends around me, and that's more than enough :)

Life consist of many chapters, some longer than others. But duration doesn't really matter as long as you make the most out of each one huh :)

Reservist day 1

Started my day with 2 hours sleep and a fuckup. Can't wait for this bloody week to be over so I can go back to normal life. On the plus side, my diarrhea is almost gone so that's nice :)

I miss Shermane already. I just want to quickly book out and resolve my fuckup. Maybe I'll feel better then. What a sucky day.

Ict really sucks. Thank god I have you.

Road hazard

Driving was legit scary today.. Guess I'm not ready for fast cars yet huh. Guess this upcoming week I'm either gonna get good or quit driving for good. Too much stress really haha. Reservist is coming up in 6 hours time! Can't wait for it to be fucking over so I can get on with my life.

Having diarrhea at the same time now. Guess July isn't so kind to me huh.

At least I got to see you today, happy 5th month baby! You never fail to make my bad days better :)

Another chapter

So my part time job is finally over. Feels kinda good to have the choice to wake up at whatever time I choose. June has been kinda fun I guess? Made a few new friends and now it's time for reservice. Urgh. July is gonna be super busy :/

My bed feels weird to sleep on tonight now that Shermane has gone home hahaha. Guess I gotta make myself even sleepier!

Thanks for sticking around love! I look like shit in this photo but it's okay cos you look great! :)

Update

Damn. I told myself I was going to make time to exercise daily once exams are over but it seems like I've failed miserably.

Holidays are awesome though! Especially during the June period where I actually went back to work because it was just too boring to bum around at home, I even recently bought overwatch! Super fun stuff, if only more of my friends play it too tho :( Only 6.5 days left of working days before my part time job ends hmm.

Time flies by rly quickly though, soon it'll me mine and shermane's 5th month wow. 

Mundane is good

Working life has been pretty good so far! Made a few new friends and work isn't tough at all. And the best part is that I've managed to "somewhat" cure my insomnia hohoho!

Liangyi also helped me booked my lessons today so that's one thing off my list! Ah life is good life is good.. I'm quite worried about my girlfriends health though hope that gets better soon as well, been urging her to go to the doctors but she's a little lazy to sigh.. really hope everything is fine though!

Somehow I like this kinda mundane lifestyle, where I wake up early, go to work, come back and game the whole day with my friends or go hang out. It's a lot less stressful than studying somehow hmm..

I do kinda miss travelling though, hopefully I get to go someplace further than JB by this year! ;)

Trying to figure out the root of my "insomnia"

So I'm having one of those days where I have insomnia till 7am.. Sighh I guess it's normal since I woke at 4pm on Saturday? This blog should rly be renamed to "Dun Ping's insomnia records" or something man.  But seriously, I hope I just really have a bad case of screwed up body clock man.. it's really weird how I just get so energetic in the night and I'm all sleepy in the afternoon. Maybe I should move to a country where it's nighttime in singapore's 4pm.

Maybe my room is haunted. Like sometimes when I close my eyes I hear things in my drawer dropping or something but I normally just ignore it. Maybe that's what's keeping me awake and that's what making me feel like the room is a bit too hot to sleep in even though I have the aircon on.. and how I always have to pee the moment I feel the slightest bit sleepy..

Or maybe it's because I always use my phone before I sleep.. but then again I'm just afraid of rolling around the bed aimlessly therefore I chose to just use my phone a little. But I've heard that it could be a reason for insomnia as well. Ah fuck it. Maybe I'll try not using my phone the next time before I sleep it's too late for that now. But actually this seems like a more plausible theory is it not? Dammit man I just had another sleepy moment but I missed it because I wanna complete this blog first :(

Or maybe I just smoke too much and nicotine causes irregular sleeping hours hahaha. Probably not.

Maybe I should visit a doctor. But then again I don't want to rely on medication to fall asleep at such a young age man.. young being that I have yet to even enter the workforce and I'm alr having this kind of "serious" health problems. Yeah. Hopefully this full month's worth of regular office hours would be able to help me go to sleep at normal timings. Hopefully.

The weird thing is, whenever she comes over I feel really sleep though. Maybe that's because I feel at ease? Or maybe because her presence drives away the "ghosts" that reside in my room? Nonetheless, I'm glad at least she understands and doesn't blame me that I'm sleepy when I'm around though haha. (#nowayang)

New laptop!!

Finally bothered to go buy a new laptop after Lazada cancelled it's order on me. It's great so far! But I still can't blackshot on it which is kinda sad :(

Sherms came over early today around 11am to hang out, my old laptop finally retired on us after its charger couldn't charge it at all, but I guess it's a blessing in disguise? We finally got the chance to pimp up my new laptop with all the stickers that we bought months ago :D Two more episodes of the man in the high castle before we have to look for another show to catch tho :/ which is okay I guess since the later episodes were a little draggy.

Shall make use of tomorrow to really play till I song! Sighh everyone is asleep and there's no one to dota now. Playing without lags feels rly good tho!

Also, my jb trip with my SQ group mates is coming up! Hope it's going to be fun too uh :)

Thanks for always sticking around and letter me bully u silly girl <3 p="">

Late night rants again

I always wonder to myself: Ten years from now, when I look back at where I was would I be filled with pride or regret?

Life has been really good lately! Got to meet up with a lot of people during this holiday and spent a lot of quality time with Shermane as well (I even met her sis for the first time today). Although I'm really having a ball, I can't help but feel that if I don't work hard, all these good things will eventually go away without me realizing it.

Guess I'll just seize the day for now and make the most out of everything? (Like how I'm pooping and blogging right now)

I still have so many bad habits. I wanted to exercise more during this holiday but all I've been doing is ordering mcdelivery and bingeing on shows.. Sigh why can't workouts be easy haha. I guess maybe deep down I'm okay with being fat. Because being an out of shape piece of shit does not determine my happiness at all. But then again all these could be excuses hmm..

Okay enough ranting for the night! My com is breaking down and my laptop order from Lazada got cancelled due to some courier errors or something. At this point I just wish they'd quickly refund me my money so I can go purchase my laptop from courts or something.

Till next time!

Still waiting for Melvin to invite me to cycle at mcRitchie. 

Insomnia really sucks when you have things on the next day

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now but I gotta wake up at 11am tomorrow.. Sigh insomnia rly sucks when there's an alarm set to wake you up I swear..

Anyway my laptop still hasn't arrived yet although it's supposed to arrive on the 17th. Hope it's worth the wait though! Especially when I'm about to start work soon and I won't have much time for it afterwards anyway..

Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep like a regular human being.. sigh why was I stupid enough to wake at 4pm hmm? I'm such a fool..

Wonder how's liangyi doing in the US now. Kinda not looking forward to school or reservice man fuck this :(

Day 92

Feels like me and shermane has been together for a really long time but the truth is, it has only been 92 days!

The girl came over today to hang out after I crashed her outing with her church friends. They're pretty nice people! Life has been pretty good ever since holidays started. Money is running a little low though.. shall wait for my agent to go find me my cpf job back again soon.

Even till today, sometimes I'm pretty impressed that I've somehow managed to find such a good girl to get together with, who would've thought the cute girl I met at Eugene's baby shower would turn out to be my girlfriend huh! She's really awesome too!!

Kk I shall not "brag" too much about her here online. Doesn't really feel right if my single friends reads this haha. Till another time!

Yeah I know this pic is really unglamorous and all but hey! It's still you! Love you honey! Thanks for sticking around with this fat jerk hahaha

1st day of my holiday

So on the first day og my holiday (today). I actally managed to wake up at 9am. Oh my god waking up at 9am in the weekday is a really weird thing when you don't have plans at all.. Shall wait for yingchuan and Justin to be awake and maybe do something hahaha!

Yesterday was pretty eventful I'd say? I realize I can't win every battle. And sometimes it's best to let things rest in order to have a peaceful ending. So weird right? I've always thought that I could fight against everything that I feel that is unjust but it isn't the case anymore. Sometimes it's better to take a step back and reflect on whether you've been too selfish. I guess the main aim is to not lose track on what matters to you the most haha. Kinda cryptic maybe? I know.

Thanks for being there for me even when it's inconvenient for you. I'll work harder to become someone worthy of your efforts ;)

2 down 2 to go

Yesss I'm finally left with marcomm and market research papers! Still kinda nervous though hope I can pass my SQ and law..

Girlfriend has been coming over a lot recently. Which is pretty nice uh provided we can find the mood to study when we are with each other hahaha. Thank god for my irregular sleeping patterns at least I have one less distraction in the night (not that I hate being distracted tho hahaha)

Oh fuck my face is rly fat now. God pls gimme strength to exercise after my exams :(

You're sweet.

So girlfriend just left my place five hours ago, and I'm missing her already.

Sigh, I wish I could sleep like a normal human does man.. can't wait for exams to be over so at least when I can't sleep I can always just go binge watch some "office" or other shows that I haven't caught up with in a super long time.. Fuck exams!

Thanks for coming down today love despite me being so annoying and sleeping while you were here.. You're really cool you know? Although today wasn't rly a super productive day but it's okay! Nothing beats having you over! Can't wait for exams to be over so we can spend more quality time together hur hur hur (btw this pic wasn't taken today just saying)

Judgement day is coming

Oh man my submissions are coming up and the only project I'm confident in is my SQ.. Today was fairly productive for my project teams tho! Managed to get everyone on the same page for marcomm and I haven't heard any problems for MR yet. I might be able to survive this after all!

In less than 10 hours I'm going to be at punggol for my double date with Melvin. Hope sherms will enjoy herself tomorrow hehe! Pretty excited! Picnic is gonna be awesome!

Recently I realize i've been letting my mouth run loose a little. It's time to man up and stop whining about every single thing mate. The last thing I wna do is to hurt someone who cares about me with my foul mouth.. time to work harder!

Pretty proud of you to give yourself to god. But I'm even prouder of the fact that I somehow managed to get a girl like you hurhur.

Maybe I just have a fucked up body clock.

But it's hard to tell. I hate this lifestyle. I hate lying on my bed for hours and hours browsing my phone or just facing the ceiling before I feel the urge to fall asleep. It's not normal. In fact, it's pretty fucked up.

That feeling where you're too tired to do anything, but too awake to fucking fall asleep is fucking infuriating. And fucked up thoughts just keep running through your mind. Like what if I die young? Will I be able to do well for my tests even though I don't really wanna read through my textbooks? How can I motivate my MR group mates to not be such lazy pieces of shit?

This is fucking infuriating la. Fuck it I'm going to go turn on my com and see what I can do for my Marcomm parts. Fuck this bloody nonsense.

Maybe once I enter the working world for long enough I'd be able to adjust my sleeping patterns back. Or maybe this fucked up lifestyle will just one day kill me instead.

Well at least things aren't as bad as they can be, at least I got you :)

Incoming hectic schedule

So somehow I managed to to survive CommLaw without studying much. Which is good I guess? The week has barely begun and I've started my Monday on a fairly shitty note.. Tuesday was fairly decent tho! Sighhh I can't wait for my projects to all be done with so I can finally kick back and relax without anything on the back on my mind :(

Gws honey ily :)

Fat life

So it's nearing 3am and I'm just done with my pizza supper. Shit man I really need to exercise.. My face is a full circle when I smile now fml.

This week and the next is gonna be pretty hectic! Hope I'll have time to study for my commercial law test next tuesday. I really really shouldn't have pokered today. What a stupid move.. God please give me strength to let go of all these vices..

On a side note, me and sherms are gonna celebrate our monthsary this Friday! Guess that's gonna be pretty fun. Can't wait! Accidentally spoiled a surprise for her but I guess it's cool? I'll try to hide any future surprises better then :)

Can't believe I'm still capable of doing retarded stuff like this. Guess the child in me never died huh.

I think I need to pick up the pace a little

So yeah, insomnia caught up with me again. Hopefully it'll be over once I'm done with this post though haha.

So.. I've been slacking off pretty hard today, feel like I should be more productive. Like I should work out or rush my project but instead my day was wasted on the office and dota. Not that it wasn't enjoyable, but I really needa pick up the pace soon man seeing that my schedule is gonna be pretty packed on the upcoming week..

It's the middle of the semester and I still can't seem to find my mojo back.. Well at least I've secured 10% of my marks for both SQ and Law so that's pretty awesome! And me and Sherm's first month is coming up really soon too! Kinda looking forward to it but I don't really know where to bring her yet hmm.. She's pretty cool though, low maintenence girlfriend ftw! :)

Dammit why is the office so frickin addictive? Really hope I don't fall asleep in class tomorrow..

So yeah this is a video from yesterday at ikea. I needa grow up hahaha

Short update

Finally done with both online quizzes. Did fairly well so at least that's a load off my mind :)

Life's been great these past few days! Me and the annoying woman have been slowly getting to know each other better and sorting things out, schoolwork is fine although I really need to start studying for my class test soon and my TP is coming up and Mr.Chua didn't reply my text message. Shall go text him again now. Bugger never ever replies, he should really learn to use the sms function tho can't wait to get my license I swear..

Need to work even harder although it feels so good to just slack off and lie on my bed and binge watch the office. Oh well, fighting!

Even your unglams are pretty cute hun hur hur

I am afraid of the unknown.

I've always been the kind of guy that measures if something is worthwhile before I even attempt something, because I don't want to waste my limited time here on earth.

What I'm about to go through from here on out isn't going to be simple at all. In fact, I can imagine that it's going to be pretty frustrating, having to keep my cool and at the same time comfort her and tell her that everything is alright, and tell myself that the way she's treating me now is just cold feet and nothing more serious than that. It's fucking frightening, but hey I'm going to do it anyway, it's not like it's going to kill me or anything and who knows? Even if I fail I might actually learn something. But I don't really wanna think about failing right now. That's right. We are gonna make it through, as long as you're willing :)

I guess I just need reassurance. But if I asked I'll probably come off as demanding. Oh well, they say men learn the fastest thru hard times. Let's see if what happens next will teach me anything at all.

I am very into you. And I want us to be happy together.

I'm pretty exhausted right now. But that isn't going to stop me.

Expectations

It's always in the wee hours of the night where i find myself thinking of stupid shit like how incompetent i am..

I guess I underestimated a lot of stuff. I realise that just telling someone how you feel all the time and your past stories, it doesn't always get the full message across. More often than not, these messages and stories get misinterpreted to a weird extent where you find yourself in a situation that nothing you say will ever stick to your recepients because they're just so determined that what they perceive is correct. Like what I learnt in marketing "perception is reality" no?

I know what the problem is though. It's expectations.

I expect someone to feel the same way I do whenever I try to share my past.

I expected her to display her love with languages that only I understand.

I expected people to take my word for it when I say something. 

I expect too much, just because I feel that what I have been providing is enough. But it isn't. What I provide to her now is a lot more than what I gave to P. But it doesn't matter. Because she is not P, and she will not react like P. Guess it's not that easy to just turn over a new leaf when she doesn't even know what kind of person I used to be. People expect you to be you, and doing good is what you are supposed to do. They don't give a shit about how much you've improved, how far you've come, nor do they care about the effort you put in to make a change.

I hate going to sleep in a foul mood. I want to talk to you so badly. But I probably won't know what to say because you'll just shut my words out and throw me empty promises anyway. And it sucks. I don't want to be treated like this.

Maybe I am being selfish. But I think it's more likely because I'm incompetent. I'll work on it. Somehow.

It's not like I never tried to listen, but it's hard to do so when you just be silent and expect me to say sone thing to ease the tension. Its okay. I will try to listen harder.

Oh yea, happy birthday Eugene!!

I can't stop looking at you when I'm with you.

I am finally happy after a very long time. But somehow when I wanna describe it in here I somehow feel like holding back. Weird right? It's almost like I'm more comfortable ranting about my woes than to share what makes me happy on my blog. The girl I'm with now, she's amazing I'll tell you that.

I truly hope this bliss doesn't end though. Ily a lot swxw :) was gonna make a happy post today but somehow I kinda drifted off topic hmm..

Went to play this weird ball thing with lam and yingchuan aft sch. Didn't know I looked so hideous from the side omfg whatever.

Weakness

I need to seriously be more emphatic towards people whenever things get a little heated. 

I am so sorry that I got pissed whenever I feel "threatened". I'm sorry that I tend to pressure people into doing/saying something whenever things don't go my way. Seriously, there's so much for me to improve on i don't even know where to begin! But I guess imma have to take baby steps if I even want to progress anywhere. 

Maybe the first step to this is to just be more chill about everything huh? Yeah. I'm going to try to be chill and breathe whenever sth unfavourable happens from now on instead of yapping away without thinking it through. 

I also probably need to find a job that's related to my field of study soon man. :(

Annoying woman

So the new year has been really kind to me so far..

I met a really great girl with an even greater personality and I hate to admit it, but I'm really into her, and for some weird reason she like me too. The weirdest part is, she somehow doesn't realize that she's out of my league.

There's still so much for me to learn! But I really gotta quicken my learning process man. Too much things to improve on, too little time :(

Oh nicol, why you so busy we need to meet soon I have so much stuff to tell you :(

I'm turning into a potato

I feel like I've kinda lost my drive for school this week. Really hope that I can somehow buck up next week when I get my notes (yeah I know it's somewhat of an excuse)

So many things I need to do and yet I choose to relax all day and use my phone all night. I don't know what's gotten over me. Maybe it's because I've been too used to a certain kind of lifestyle and when things suddenly have to get done I just keep procrastinating and procrastinating? This has to stop man. I'm turning into some weird sort of couch potato.

Maybe my focus was wrong, time to tune myself back onto the right track.

I kinda wanna go drinking again but my wallet says no.

Documentaries

So I just got back to sg, and the first thing I did when I laid down was to spam YouTube videos, until I eventually got drawn into a series of documentaries, and it helped me remember the attraction I used to have for them.

Every time I watch an informative video, I realize that the world is really larger than we perceive, yet at the same time relevant. It makes you understand that at the end of the day that we are but a tiny droplet in a seemingly boundless ocean, each retaining their individuallaity but at the same time, moving towards a certain direction. While I think that watching films like this gives me a bigger picture of the world in some sense, it also somehow distorts my perspective on many everyday things. One of the most obvious one being our perspective towards an issue/object/person.

When something catches our eye, an impression is created based on what we notice and what our experiences have taught us. But many a time I fail to realize that what we see barely scratches the surface of the underlying stories and intention of the "participant". But removing your personal views into every judgement is near impossible, be it whether it's one of disdain, compassion or perceived emphathy But I guess I've learnt one thing today from my midnight documentary adventure, and that is to not trust first impressions so much; and work on ourselves first because seriously, why bother trying to dig anything out when you know you'll never truly understand anyone or anything completely amirite? Not saying that I should be completely indifferent, just saying that I should place priority on things that I have more power on.

Anyway, happy new year! May 2016 be one where I can learn something new ever day! :)

Do these midnight rants even make sense?